* Part 1 *

Some time later I found myself back in London, England. It had been years since my last visit. Somehow I had missed it. I had come to love the city. I had spent a lot of good times there. It was a city I could feel at home in. Every time I had to leave to come back home, I felt like a part of me was missing or like a wound had never healed. It made me sad and I could not quite understand why.

Though I had always said that I would return, I hadn't actually thought I would be able to make the trip to London when I did. Recently my financial situation was looking a bit bleak, but circumstances changed enabling me to make the trip. I was determined not to loose the opportunity. I planned to stay for a long weekend. After sorting out the flight, hotel and a few obligations, I was on my way.

The main reason for the trip was that I was hired by a firm to make their website. When they first asked me to do it I was confused. While I was very happy to get the job, I couldn't help but wonder: Why would a firm in England want a person from Sweden to make their webpage? I soon found out that the reason they had asked me to do it was that they had learned about my work and saw what I had done for others firms. Another reason was that, since a portion of their business was for Scandinavia, they wanted to have some 'Nordic' touch to it. They thought I would be perfect for the job.

The moment I learned about being able to make the trip and decided that I would do it, I quickly e-mailed a few Internet friends to see if we could meet up while I was there. It would be so much fun to finally meet some of them in the flesh. We already had a lot in common, so I wasn't worried about how any of the meetings would go.

The second thing I did was borrow some money from my father, his significant other and some friends. I couldn't make the trip with no spending money at all!

Fortunately, I was lucky with my plans to get together with one of my Internet friends. I found out that I would be able to meet up with, Berlinda, one of the girls that I had met through one of the writing groups I was a member in, on the day of my arrival. Since she didn't live in the city, Berlinda made arrangements to stay in London for a couple of nights.

We e-mailed and chatted about what fun things we would do while we were in London. I had always dreamed about going to The Globe Theatre and attending a play. So after checking their website and finding out that the season would have started by the time of my visit, I mentioned it to Berlinda. She said that she had only seen one Shakespeare play and that she really liked it so she wasn't hard to convince about seeing another. She was also curious about visiting The Globe Theatre since she had only seen it from the outside from a tour boat on the Thames.

I was happy to see that there would be a performance of Romeo and Juliet playing during my visit to the city. I know that it would be one of the plays that I could find the easiest to follow in English, as long as they kept it close to how it was written and didn't try to "modernise" it. I was surprised at how easy it was to obtain tickets so early in the season. I was pleased to realize that one more of my dreams was about to be fulfilled. I had loved Shakespeare, theatre, and attending plays for many years.

After some discussion, Berlinda and I decided that we would meet up before the play started at 19.30 to eat some dinner. It would be too late for a meal after the performance. I figured that it would still be daylight enough still for the performance in the theatre, and hoped that they didn't have electricity there to spoil the atmosphere of a play staged in The Globe. I would love it to be as authentic as possible, just as it was during Shakespeare's lifetime.

Since the play would take place on Thursday, we decided that we would spend the Friday together talking about our favourite subjects and common interests, do some 'tourist' things, and go out somewhere in the evening. Maybe find a place with some live music, like the Borderline.

I also had to think about the obligations I had to fulfil. I knew they would be easy to carry out and wouldn't be too much of a burden. I knew I was good at what I did, or I would have never agreed to do it. I would still have plenty of time to do some of the things I wanted to do for myself afterwards. From my earlier visits to London, I knew there were so many things to discover and see that even a year there wouldn't be enough to do everything. Not if you wanted to do it properly. Some things were always worth coming back for.

*~*~*

I arrived in London early on Thursday, checked into my hotel, and within an hour had completed the first of my promised obligations. I was happy that I was right about it not taking too long or being too much for me to get done. I figured out that I would be able to complete my obligations by giving them one or two hours of my time each day of my visit.

After my meeting I went back to the hotel to change into something more comfortable. I had decided to take a trip around Soho and Piccadilly Circus, both of which I had come to love from previous visits. There were all my favourite kinds of shops just waiting for me to browse in, and maybe buy from. I had decided to take the opportunity to do some gift shopping for my friends. Not just birthday gifts, but a few Christmas ones as well, even if it was more than half a year away.

I put on a pair of jeans, a lilac shirt, and my black Doc Martens. It was a warm and sunny day so I decided against a coat, opting for a cardigan tied around my waist instead. I didn't think I would need anything warmer, even in the evening. Before I headed out the door, I looked in the mirror and was satisfied with the reflection looking back at me. It was one of the rare moments that I decided to have my hair almost entirely loose. During the flight, I had occupied myself by planting a few strands into thin plaits, small above my ears and on the top, then pulled back to fit into one at the back of my head. It wasn't easy to do to my own hair, but I'd been practicing and I loved the special look I had managed to create.

I took the tube only a few stations to Soho. I didn't trust myself to travel by bus, and didn't want to take a taxi, leaving that indulgence for the nights. I still had problem with the English driving on the 'wrong side of the road'.

Upon checking my watch, I realised that I still had a few hours before I was to meet up with Berlinda. So off I walked in my own little world, taking in my surroundings as I went. I visited some stores and just window shopped at others. I had seen a few things that had given me some ideas for the work, and hoped I could remember them until I had a chance to sketch them down later.

Even though it was just an ordinary Thursday, there were a lot of people around, and at times I found myself indulging in a sport of 'people watching'. Many of them seemed to be in such a hurry. Maybe they were just like me, lost in their own little world, not noticing anything that went on around them.

Just being there and being able to observe felt good. I loved to 'people watch', and didn't get the chance to do it often enough. Why had I hidden myself away for such a long time? I began to wonder. Every minute that passed, I had the feeling that I may be able to start living again and cast off some of this low self-esteem that dragged me down. I was almost positive that I would feel so much better when I went home after this trip.

"Camilla!" A male voice suddenly sounded through the street noise. It wasn't a statement, it sounded more like a question, as if the speaker wasn't too sure of whom he was seeing. The voice came from behind me but I didn't react to hearing the name called. I couldn't think of anyone who would be calling out to me. There were so many people around, he could be calling anyone, so I continued walking.

I don't think I had travelled more than ten more steps before I felt someone touch my arm, making me stop walking and turn around.

"It is you, isn't it, Camilla?" the voice asked.

My eyes first went to his hand, lightly touching my arm, then travelled up to a chest enclosed in a crisp white shirt. Proceeding up to see his face I saw his long, dark hair, a beginning to a beard, and two brown eyes, like a mixture of deep rich chocolate and seasoned mahogany.

Did I know this guy from somewhere? Had we met before? I began to wonder. Then the realization hit me.

Unable to stop myself I spoke one word out loud "Orlando!"

 

* Part 2 *

"Oh, you remember me?" Orlando asked, anxiously.

I had recognized him from all those pictures I had seen of him lately on the Internet and from advertisements and trailers for the film Troy that recently opened in the cinemas. It was kind of hard to miss his eyes.

"Sorry Mr. Bloom," I said politely, trying hard to hide my nervousness. "I don't think so. You must have mistaken me for someone else."

"Isn't your name Camilla, and aren't you from Gothenburg in Sweden?" he asked.

"Yes… ," I replied slowly, mesmerized by those dark pools staring down at me.

"Then we 'have' met… and we 'do' know each other," he said with a widening smile.

"No, I don't think so. Camilla isn't my name anymore… when would we have met… Sir?"

"Please don't call me Sir or Mr. Bloom. Don't you remember anything about it? It was almost ten years ago, the first time."

I found myself standing there totally blank. I thought I would have remembered if I had met such handsome guy before. Thinking back ten years, I had been in London that year. But did I spend any time with a guy?

The truth was, some things had happened since that time which had messed up my head, making it hard for me to get things right in my memory. Some of my memories had disappeared altogether, and some, I soon realised, could just be something I had read in books or seen in films.

Like many other teenage girls or young women, I had dreamed about meeting Orlando after I'd seen him in Lords of the Rings and Pirates of the Caribbean. When watching the films I never had the feeling that I had known him personally. He was like any other film star I had seen and had a crush on for a while. Right now, however, he was my number one fancy.

I didn't think I knew anything about him apart from what I'd learned through the Internet over the past few months. I always managed to collect information about those I had a crush on, so there would be no exception with him. Orlando's private life was hard to learn about, though. He was very careful not to say anything too personal to the press, so there were no clues to jog my memory. If I had known him ten years ago as he said it would have been before he become famous.

Orlando nudged me to bring me back into the present time.

"Truly… no… I don't remember," I said quickly, shaking off my trance. "But… it could be true. If you are certain we know each other and you have the time to spare… maybe you could try to convince me that you are right and help me to remember."

Orlando looked at his watch and a little wrinkle showed on his forehead.

"I know a nice café just down the street… and I would love to re-establish our relationship. I've spent so many hours wondering why you disappeared." I could hear the honesty in his voice.

I just nodded trying not to melt at the thought of standing there in Soho with one of the world's most handsome men. I couldn't believe that he had approached me instead of it being me asking him for an autograph. I somehow felt that my head must be playing tricks on me and that this must all be a dream.

 

* Part 3 *  

Orlando took my hand and led me to the café. I had no choice but to concede and follow. The whole time I was trying to access some memory of him that wasn't related to anything I'd learned from magazine articles.

It was a good thing he had a firm hold of my arm or I may have lost him in the throng of people. It took all my concentration sifting through my shattered memories. I was so frustrated not finding anything that I pulled my hand away from his. When he felt me pull away he stopped walking and turned toward me.

"What is it Camilla? Have you changed your mind? Don't you want to come?" he asked worriedly.

"Yes… no … what did you ask?" I replied.

"Don't you want to come? Have you changed your mind?"

"No, I haven't changed my mind. I want to come. You have woken my curiosity."

"Why did you snatch your hand from me?"

"I did it out of frustration because I still can't remember us meeting before. Or the fact that you say we know each other."

Orlando stretched out the hand, that only moments before had held mine, to stroke my hair. He gently pulled back a strand hanging over my face.

"I'm sure it will all come back to you once I start filling in the gaps. How could you have forgotten our time together?" he asked.

I gazed into his mahogany eyes and saw he was telling me the truth. I also saw regret and pity. I really wasn't so sure I would remember anything and I was scared it would be always hidden in the dark depths of my past. Without any memory of our time together, how could I truly believe it was true?

I was curious about what type of relationship we had and what had happened between us. At the same time I felt like running away and never wanting to find out. I was scared of being used. Maybe it sounded exciting to some people to learn everything all over again, but it wasn't what I wanted.

"Come Sweetie, we almost there." he said softly, taking my hand once again to lead me to the café.

The way he talked and touched me was, at first, unnerving. It felt very intimate in character. You only act that way with very close friends. My current friends all knew to keep their distance because they knew that being touched sometimes made me feel uneasy. With him it felt different. It somehow felt right so I let him continue.

When we reached the café we were lucky to find an empty table. As I looked around myself I realized that Orlando was right about it being a nice place.

"Do you want something? Tea… sandwich… food?" he asked as we took our seats.

"Tea and a small sandwich would be nice please," I replied.

"Do you still drink the tea with milk and sugar?"

"No sugar. Just milk. A lot of milk. Thanks."

"I'll be right back." He said quickly, standing.

I watched him head off to the counter to place the order. He moved gracefully and he definitely looked better in the flesh than in the magazines, pictures, and films. I could certainly understand why I had fallen for him. If only I could remember having done so. Although none of my present friends were dark haired and dark eyed, I found myself weak for that kind of guy. He was truly my dream guy.

Orlando's smile faded a little when he came back. I had seen that look before on faces of my friends when they were thinking of my lapsed memories. It was a look of sadness and pity. It was a look I didn't want to see and with it followed emotions I didn't want to bring out in people.

He placed the food down on the table and went back to the counter with the empty tray. When he returned he sat for a while just looking at me, watching me eat and drink.

"The years have been kind to you. You are even prettier now than the last time I saw you." He said softly.

I could feel myself blushing but I knew what he meant. I saw the difference when I would look on old photographs. I had lost some weight and let my hair grow long. It wasn't easy keeping my new figure, though, and I had to work hard at maintaining my new look.

"Sorry I can't say the same about you," I replied shyly, glancing down at the table. "I still can't remember you from my past."

"Do you feel like telling me what happened?" he asked.

"Hmm, are you sure we know each other?" I asked timidly. "I mean, it wasn't just luck… you getting my name right?"

"Yes, Camilla. I'm sure. I've never forgotten you. You were still living at home with your parents then. You were just about to move further north in Sweden because of your job."

I remembered that part of my life. At the end of that year in question I had started working at a ski resort - Sälen - in middle of Sweden. The next thing that flashed through my mind was a familiar face of another actor. I had recently read and seen 'Interview With A Vampire'.

"I'm right aren't I? There is something that you remember?" he asked anxiously.

"You were right about my job. I did work in the mountains. And I did live with my parents before that. I also remember another guy that I saw in a movie two weeks ago. He was in Troy with you."

His voice was more of a whisper as he said, "Brad Pitt".

"I saw the vampire film he played in that year." I said.

"I remember you talking about it. You were so disappointed it hadn't started showing here in London. You loved the book and were curios if Brad and Tom Cruise were right for the roles. Did you think so… now that you've seen it?"

"I think I was… surprised by them," I replied hesitantly.

I fell silent. Another image of a young guy sinking his teeth into the neck of another guy flashed through my head. I remember thinking that didn't fit with the end of the film; a blond Tom Cruise as Lestat driving a car and pulling his ruffled shirt cuffs out of his jacket sleeves. The guy in the car with him was the guy that had interviewed Louis. I shock the image from my head. That wasn't what I needed to remember.

* Part 4 *  

Orlando asked again what happened.

"I don't really want to talk too much about it yet. Let's just say that something happened which caused me to have a problem remembering certain things I have been through in the past. It's like a puzzle that has pieces missing or put in the wrong place. Some of my memories have turned out to be from books I've read or films I've seen and they are keeping reality away."

I took a bite from my sandwich and a sip of tea. Orlando was looking at me with a serious expression on his face. He looked as if he was trying to sort out everything I had told him and make sense of it all.

To break the uncomfortable silence I continued. "Altogether I think a few missing years are out there somewhere. I seem to be able to remember everything from the last four years, but there are still so many holes in the previous ten. Reading old diaries and looking at photos hasn't been much help."

"And that's where I am? Erased from your memory." he asked.

"Sadly… yes. It's a total blank. The first picture of you that comes to mind is as … Will… and Legolas!"

A broad smile stretched across his face, softening his serious demeanour. "Of course you've seen the films. You always loved going to the cinema. I would have been very surprised if you hadn't seen them."

"Yeah, I love to get lost in the stories. Even before I lost part of my memory I remember reading, and watching everything I came across. That's has never changed. The Internet has made it easier to find information and pictures as well."

"But that doesn't help you to remember what we had."

"No, what was it?" I asked hesitantly, unsure that I really wanted to know the truth.

"When we first met I had been living here in London for a little over a year. We met in a Pub. You were there with some friends," he began. "For the following week we were inseparable. Have you any memory about the time you got your tattoo on your left shoulder?"

I put my hand on my shoulder where I had my tattoo. It was a heart with a cross stabbed through and circled with flames. I shook my head. "All I remember is that the studio was on Portobello Road and it was called Saint Tattoo. I thought I was alone when I was there."

"Oh no. We went there twice. After you saw my sun you said that you had decided to have one done when you were here. You said you couldn't go home without one. You had drawn a picture of a larger one, but kept trying to make it smaller because you didn't want one too big. When you were satisfied with the design we went to the studio, but when we saw how many people were waiting we walked away. The rest of the day you kept on talking about it. You felt like a chicken because we hadn't stayed. I dragged you back the following day and made sure you didn't bail out. Have you any regrets about it?"

"No. I don't think I ever will. I'm planning on getting some new ones of fantasy animals. So I have you to thank for getting me started on my first one. Do you have any more than just the sun?"

Orlando pulled up the shirt sleeve on his right arm. I saw the 'nine' tattoo. I had an urge to touch it, but I didn't dare to. I didn't understand where the urge to touch him had come from. It just crept up on me.

"I think you have convinced me that you know me somehow. My tattoo isn't visible through my shirt, so how would you have known about it? There must be a lot more you know about me if we were together so much." I paused as a thought occurred to me. "What were you doing in the pub in the first place? Weren't you too young to get in?"

"I went there with some older friends of mine. In those years I used to party a lot. I never seemed to have any problems getting into places." He paused before he continued. "You and I had some amazing nights out, too."

He seemed to be remembering those times and his eyes lit up with pleasure. I so much wanted to be able to share the feelings with him, but it was still a blank. Could we have fallen for each other as he seemed to be hinting?

As we sat there in the café I was amazed by what was happening and by what Orlando was telling me. It all sounded like a fairy tale. He could've been talking about any other girl that he knew from a long time ago but he wasn't. He was talking about me. The things he was telling me sounded so familiar and correct. He spoke of things that no one other than a close friend would have known about.

I'd been through moments like this before, but this time it was different. Scarier. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined myself sitting down with a celebrity and having him tell me things about myself that I had no memory of. Chills blew over me when he spoke of very personal facts concerning me. I was beginning to become convinced that he really did know me well.

My frustration grew as I still felt nothing personal between us. I really wanted and needed to know how close we had been. It felt so strange that I hadn't the tiniest hint of memory of him at all. Everything else had held a small reminder of things, but this was a total blank to me. I tried to remember if he had been in any of my photographs from 1994 and my London trip, but my minds eye couldn't seem to find him. It gave me the feeling that all knowledge of him had been totally erased.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I wondered how every memory about a particular person could disappear. It was hard to understand why the slightest memory was no longer there. What could have caused it? Could it be that something didn't want him in my life? Had it been too good, or too bad? What was our destiny?

A hand was placed over mine to bring me back out of my thoughts. It was warm and soothing. I looked up at him. I tried to see what was there behind his beauty. Physically Orlando seemed to be in very fine shape though his face hinted at slight tiredness. But beneath that I saw something else. I moved my hand to rest on his and began to stroke his knuckles with my thumb. He looked down, brought up his other hand, and enclosed mine in both of his. Was that desire that flashed in his eyes for a brief second?

"Did we know each other for a long time?" I asked, unable to break eye contact.

"A few years. You came over here a few times. We tried to make it work as well as we could."

"When was it I sort of disappeared?"

"It was sometimes during 1998. I was struggling a lot in school and I let my letters and calls to you slide. I will admit that I was too consumed in what I was doing to worry about any outside distractions. At first I didn't notice that you hadn't replied to my letters. When a few came back to me unopened, I really began to worry. Before I fell and broke my back I tried to find you. I really missed you terribly. When I couldn't make contact I wished that you felt the same way about me and would try to contact me."

With each sentence he spoke I noticed that his eyes darkened with the sad memories. There was a lot of feeling behind those eyes. It gave his words a deep meaning and told me he was telling the truth. Watching the emotions play over his face touched my heart. I leaned over the table as far as I could and stroked his cheek with my free hand. Somewhere inside I could feel the loss he was feeling. It was terrible to lose someone you felt so close to, believing the worst had happened. It was terrible to miss friends when you needed them the most.

After a pause Orlando continued; "From time to time I have still tired to find you, but it was if the ground had swallowed you up. I could never be satisfied thinking I had lost you forever. The hope always remained in my heart that we would meet again. Do you understand how happy I am to have found you again? I know I never want to loose you again. I couldn't live through it a second time."

"Please… Orlando… don't wish for too much. We can't make promises we may not be able to keep. I don't' think I'm the same person I was before. The years have changed me a lot, aside from what happened. You certainly live a completely different life than you did ten years ago. Haven't things happened that you didn't count on?"

"Well… yes… but I hope I'm still the same person now as I was then, just with a bit more experience and common sense. I try to live a 'normal' life, as much as my work allows me. You're right. There are things that have happened that I would never have dreamt of. I didn't count on finding myself worshipped by thousands of girls for a start. It overwhelms and scares me. But all of that won't invade our friendship. I won't let it." His eyes held mine for a long silent moment.

I reluctantly broke eye contact and looked back down at his hands still holding mine. "Orlando, when I can't remember anything about us and what kind of relationship we had, I'm scared that I won't be able to find the same feelings for you again. You are like a stranger to me and I won't leap into anything in haste. So, don't expect us to be able to carry on the same as we were as if nothing had happened. I don't want to build up hopes in you just in case the feelings don't return. I can't say if what we had was good or bad, even if your eyes tell me it was. You must give me time to take all this in. Can you do that? Please?" I looked back up into his eyes hoping to see a sign of acceptance.

"Anything you wish," he replied softly. "I can't begin to understand how it must be for you or feel what you have been through all this time. Do you think you can make one promise to me, though?"

I nodded, making no verbal reply to his request. I had a feeling what his question was going to be and knew I would agree.

"Whatever happens between us, can you try to never loose contact with me again, even if we can only remind friends?"

"At this moment I feel the ball is in your court, and it would be an honour to be your friend, but we can't know what the future may hold for us. Mysterious is the way we walk… One thing I should tell you is the reason why you couldn't find me. I changed my name a few years ago."

"Why? Camilla is a beautiful name."

"When I came back… I didn't feel I wanted to keep it. I had never liked the name much anyway. Camilla is connected to too many dark things and in changing my name I hoped to leave them all behind and forget them. Unfortunately they are still there, but I changed my name to Sofie 1999."

"Sofie ... Sofie"

He turned his head to the side, watching me when he tested it. I thought he, as with most of the old friends, would not be able to see me with the new one. I didn't know what I wanted him to think.

"I think it might suit you. It's a ladies name."

It warmed my heart to hear him say that. It was so sweet of him. I reluctantly broke the eye contact we held and looked at my watch. We had been sitting there for quite a long time and I wasn't sure how long it would take to get too 'The Black Friar' where I was due to meet up with Berlinda. As lovely as the meeting had been, I wasn't sure I could take too much more. I was feeling the start of a headache.

"Orlando, it's been so much fun to meet you, but I have arranged to meet up with a friend, so I think we should say goodbye for now."

"Not before we decided when we would meet again. There is so much more to talk about. Will you be with your friend all evening? How long will you stay here in London?"

"I will be with her tonight and tomorrow. I also have some work to do and meet another friend on Saturday and then I will go home Sunday evening."

"Could we meet up on Sunday? I would have loved to catch up with you earlier, but I have some things planned for tomorrow and Saturday."

"Sunday sounds good, after I've finished my work. I should be free around twelve."

"Okay, I'll pick you up at your hotel. Shall we say one o'clock?"

"Great. I'm staying at the London Embassy Hotel on Bayswater Road."

"Brilliant. I'll see you there, and we'll have lunch. Can I walk you to where you're meeting your friend?"

"Thanks, but that's not necessary. Actually I hoped to be able to do an errand before I get there."

"We can do that together. It will not be any problem."

"Hey, are you afraid to let me go in case I disappear or forget where I am?" I joked. "It isn't a problem any more. I love to use public transport. I don't plan to vanish… and I won't stand you up. I promise."

A big smile appeared on Orlando's face at hearing my words. "That did cross my mind. But it's not the only reason I offered. I like your company and want to spend as much time with you as I can. So please… indulge me!"

We shared a laugh before I spoke again. "Okay, first stop: H. Samuels to buy some dragons and then to the Black Friar where I will meet my friend."

"You still collect the Pocket dragons?"

"Yes. And some of the Myth and Magic items, too."

"Well… come on then. We can go shopping for some new ones. My car's parked not too far away."

 

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