*Part 10*

When Dominic and I had hailed a taxi and told the driver where to take us, he pulled me close to him and started to kiss me. I responded with a kiss of my own. His hands found their way beneath my shirt and started to caress one of my breasts. As the taxi pulled up at our destination and we got out, I felt that my bra had become unfastened. If the ride had taken any longer I bet he would have found a way to relieve me of it altogether.

 

I don’t remember telling him to follow me into the hotel. It was just understood by both of us that this was what we wanted. He paid the taxi fare and enveloped me in his arms as we tried to walk as steadily as possible through the lobby to my room. We weren’t in too much of a hurry so it was quite a while before we got there. Every other step we stopped to kiss and pull at each other’s clothing.

 

As soon as the door closed behind us we became more impatient, and our clothes fell in a trail from the door to the bed. We barley had time to pull the bedding down before falling onto the bed. All rational thought was blown away as I craved the heat of love.

 

We covered each other with kisses and soft caresses and tried not to leave a single spot untouched. I loved to feel the warmth of another human body. Dominic seemed to love it too.

 

We squirmed around in the bed before we decided who would be on the bottom and who would be on top. When we finally came to a conclusion I pushed Dominic down on his back and sat straddling him. I leaned down for a long kiss and when we broke it to catch our breaths I started to lick and kiss my way down his neck. When I reached his nipples I licked and nibbled them and was rewarded when they hardened under my touch.

 

His nipples weren’t the only the thing that was hard on him. I reached down and teased his cock against my hot, wet folds. He let out a low moan.

 

Suddenly I wasn’t on top anymore. The teasing had been too much for him to endure. We started a new session of kisses and it was his turn to devour his way down my body; kissing one breast and kneading the other. He reached down between my legs and started to caress my others ‘lips’. When he shifted the kissing of one breast to the other he slipped one finger inside. I moaned and squirmed underneath him.

 

I buried my hands in his hair and pulled him up to kiss my mouth. I let my hands travel down his back to settle on his bum. During a break in the kissing I hoarsely got out that I wanted him inside me.

 

Not long after he guided himself inside me and started to push in and out. With every push we got hotter and hotter as the sweat increased on our bodies. It probably didn’t take long before we were exhausted, with or without fulfilling our mission.

 

Soon afterwards we were asleep.

*Part 11*

I woke up with the feeling that I wasn’t alone in bed. I was relieved that it was a double bed, or it would have been a bit cramped. All I could see of my sleeping companion was some blond hair. There was a gentle snoring escaping from under the duvet.

What had I done last night? My first waking moments were a complete blank. My brain always seemed to take longer than my body to wake up in the mornings, especially after the rare times I’d been out enjoying myself or had taken in a lot of new impressions and information. Adding to my confusion was the fact that I didn’t recognize where I was.

Somehow I knew that I’d had a rather eventful day, so I wasn’t at all surprised that it was taking some time for my memories to rise to the surface. One thing I hadn’t forgotten was the fact that I was suffering from the after effects of drinking too much, a lot more than I was used to.  

I slowly began to remember the previous day and evening, and where I was. I cursed myself for drinking more than I should have. I thought my lack of judgement had caused me to make some bad choices.

Walking home with a guy, or bringing him back to my hotel was something I was sure I wouldn’t have done if I had been sober. It wasn’t in my nature, and I wasn’t that desperate for a night of company. Or was I? I was certain I would never get into bed with a guy the first night I had met him under normal circumstances. I wasn’t sure if we had done anything other than sleep, and if we had, I couldn’t even remember if it was good. I hoped this was nothing to do with my mixed up memory problems.

I was relived that the stranger in my bed wasn’t holding me in his sleep so I could carefully ease out of bed. I slowly lifted up the duvet to get a look at him. I needed to see if he was someone I would have fancied when I was sober, and if he was a looker. My hand flew to my mouth in surprise when I recognized him. He wasn’t a stranger after all. He was Dominic Monaghan, and he had been in one of my favourites films. I remembered that he had flirted with me at the Globe Theatre the evening before, and had asked us to join him and his friends. So one thing must have led to another, and here he was, sharing my bed. I let the duvet fall to cover him again, and was glad he didn’t wake up.

The first thing I did was to search my backpack for my medication. I needed something to ease my headache as quickly as possible. I ended up searching through all at the drawers in the bureau to find my really strong pills. I also found my bottle of Pronaxen and shook a couple into the palm of my hand. I swallowed them down with some soda. I then went to my suitcase to take out some clothes to wear, and headed off to the bathroom. I started the shower and let the water get nice and warm before stepping into it.

Every minute that passed brought the memories of the previous day clearer into my mind. Luckily the sound of the shower drowned out my curses when I realized the situation I had managed to get myself into. It was both refreshing and relaxing to let the water course over my head and body. It wasn’t only the events of the evening that went through my mind, but also my meeting earlier in the day. Amongst my thoughts were flashes of pictures in my mind. Most of them were of a young, slim, dark haired guy. I knew these images were from another time and another encounter because even I was younger in them. I turned the water off and stood there with my eyes closed waiting to see if anything more would come back to me.

I was sure the images were in London, from one of my several visits there. I tried to focus my mind, and was rewarded with a name. The name was confusing to me though, and somehow I couldn’t get it to fit with the images I had been having. Who was Michael? The guy had the most astonishing brown eyes, and I only knew of one person possessing eyes like that.

It was less than 24 hours ago that I had stared into those luminous eyes. He had introduced himself to me using a different name. Could the guy in my flashback be a twin? I shook my head, spraying water all around me. It didn’t feel right thinking they were twins, that wasn’t what I knew about the man in question. From what I had read, Orlando didn’t have a brother. Maybe it was a cousin? Even that didn’t seem to fit my feelings. So, here was yet another question to ask Orlando when we met up again on Sunday.

Refreshed after my shower, and in clean clothes, I went back into the bedroom. I saw Dominic was now awake. Looking at him made me start giggling. His hair was standing up in all directions, and he had that cute little boy sleepy look on his face.

When I had composed myself enough to be able me to string more than two words together in an intelligent sentence, I said to him; “Good morning. I’m glad I didn’t have to wake you up. I’ve finished in the bathroom if you would like to take a shower. Then maybe you would like to join me for breakfast. I have something I need to do for the next hour or two, so…”

“Ooh, a shower and breakfast sounds good. I don’t suppose you have a hangover cure as well do you?” Dominic replied

I picked up my bottle of Pronaxen and threw it over to him. While Dominic went to take a shower, I started to put some of my things back into my backpack, and some more into the same bag which held my H Samuels purchase. I picked up the little box containing the dragon necklace and opened it. The charm was a fine specimen of artwork. If I had bought it myself, I knew I would never take it off.

I put the box back down again, there was no time to dawdle. Turning away from it, I picked up my laptop and purse, and headed off for breakfast.

If I was going to be able to get any work done with the hangover I was nursing, I needed to get something into my stomach. I knew that would help the pills do their job to settle the way I felt. Hopefully it would help my mood as well. I was troubled, but I couldn’t afford to think too much about the position I’d put myself into. My work had to come first. That, after all, was the main reason I was in London.

 

*Part 12*
Authors note; This is from Orlando's point of view (pov) or more rather you have to follow him this Friday.

I guess I didn’t get too much sleep last night, and now it was early morning. The alarm clock was showing 5.53. It was so typical when this was a time I felt I could sleep in. The bedclothes were in a tangle, and it wasn’t comfortable to stay in bed.

At first when I woke up from a restless sleep, I had tried to fall asleep again, without success. I was tossing and turning, unable to find the best position to help me relax. I knew that if I continued I would be in constraint pain for the rest of the day. So I reluctantly got out of bed.

I was sure that my bad night came from whom I met during the day. It wasn’t a bad experience, I would call it more euphoric. After several years, I had finally met Camilla again. The feelings that the meeting brought out in me were distracted, happy, confused and in some ways a little scared. I wasn’t sure of my feelings for her now. It had been so many years since we were last together.

Hey, hadn’t I missed her terrible every waking moment of the last six years? Hadn’t I grown more and more frustrated and distressed when, despite all my efforts I couldn’t find her again? It hadn’t been until I had lost her that I realised just what my feelings for her really were.

As the years went by and my career took off, it had changed the whole situation. The hope of finding her again faded, and I tried to live with the reality. A reality where I may not be able to find her and be with her again. It didn’t look too bright a future. With that in mind, I decided to meet new girls, and for around two years I had been going steady with Kate.

I wasn’t sure how to approach the situation now. I had never told Kate about Camilla and how important she had been in my life. I think I had mentioned it to some of the guys, but never in depth conversation about my feelings. I had to come to a decision about how this would influence my future.

The best way was to go through all I had learnt yesterday, and see where this might be leading. I needed to be sure of my feelings, and how I could tell Kate what was happening. I needed to work out my feelings for Kate as well, to find out if there was a future for us.

I took a long warm shower and began to go through the course of events.

After so many months of intensive working, I was finally back home in London. I needed to get the feeling of the city back into my lungs, so I decided to take a walk through Soho, hoping to keep a low profile from any fans that may be around. Luckily it wasn’t widely known that I had finish filming, so I wouldn’t be expected there.

It was in Soho that I saw Camilla. I had nearly missed her. I think I spotted her from quite a distance before our paths crossed. I didn’t realise it was her at first, as she had changed a lot since I had last seen her. It was her colourful green/blue eyes and infectious smile that told me it really was her. They had been looked in my memory, and I would recognize them no matter how much she would try to change her outward appearance.

She looked good and healthy. For a split second I wondered why destiny couldn’t leave things the way they were, but then I hoped this was my opportunity to put things right and close a chapter in our lives. My heart was beating faster, and I felt the same emotions I felt before taking a bungeyjump, surfing or snowboarding.

I called out her name, but she continued to walk by. I was determined not to let her disappear from me again, so I went after her, reaching out for her arm to make her stop and look at me. I wanted to know that I wasn’t mistaking on it was her.

When she finally stopped and saw me, I watched her expression changed from one of surprise, to one devoid of any emotion. I began to believe I had been mistaken, and that this wasn’t Camilla after all. Then she uttered my name and my heart did a somersault. If she hadn’t been so distant and casual, I would have enveloped her in my arms right there in the middle of the street. It was her, and she had recognized me. Then she threw me a curve all by calling me ‘Mr. Bloom’.

Everything seemed so weird. She recognized the name I had called her, but denied knowing me personally. I couldn’t believe that she had totally forgotten me, not when I couldn’t forget her. You could never erase anyone completely from your memory. That only happened in films like Eternal Sunshine Of A Spotless Mind. I couldn’t bring myself to think that she only knew me from my films and the magazine articles about me.

She answered my first questions, then seemed to think deep into her own thoughts. First when I nudged her, she seemed to show some curiosity as to why I seemed to think I knew her, and challenged me. If I had the time, could I tell her what I knew about her? Out of old habit, I glanced at my watch, even though I knew I had a few hours free before meeting up with two of my ‘fellow’ friends.

I suggested that we go to a café just down the street, and I hoped it wouldn’t take too long to re-establish our previous relationship. To my relief, she agreed. So as not to loose her, I took hold of her hand and headed off down the road.

Everything seemed to be okay but then she suddenly pulled her hand from mine. I stopped as her actions scarred me into thinking that she had changed her mind and didn’t dare to come along with me. My heart thumped in my chest, but slowed down to normal when she said I had stirred her curiosity, and that she hadn’t changed her mind.

She looked so cute standing there, and I couldn’t resist pulling one of her strands of hair away from her face. I definitely liked her figure a lot more now, even if I had never complained or commented on how she looked in the past. I admitted to myself it would have been a lie not to admit I thought she would look much better if she dropped a few kilos. It had never occurred to me while we were together to bring the matter up, as it wasn’t that part of her that had attracted me in the first place. I had to say though, that she was much more pleasing to the eye the way she looked now. 

Her clothing was easy to wear and casual, and if I wasn’t mistaken, she still wore her Doc Marten boots. The lilac shirt enhanced the blue in her eyes, and her hair was long. I didn’t remember having seen it that length before. I smiled to myself when I noticed the way she now wore it. She reminded me of a warrior elf. Was she a fan? Maybe I should watch out for her!

After a few minutes, I noticed that she wasn’t like the girl I had know years before. She no longer seemed to yearn for body contact.  I had longed to hug her and keep her encases in my arm, but I felt the close contact would now scare her off. If she had shown more recognition I would have also kissed her, but the last thing I wanted was for her to scream and run from me.

At the café, we were lucky to find an empty table, which I hoped would give her time to become accustomed to my presence. I asked her if she was hungry. When she said yes, but didn’t specify what she would like, I hoped that her preferences hadn’t changed and ordered her a cheese sandwich. I hadn’t eaten so I ordered a salad for myself and a cup of tea.

While I was waiting for the order to arrive, I threw a few glimpses across to her and saw she was watching me. It was hard to tell what she was thinking. Her expression was almost vacant. I was happy to have met her. She had brightened up my day and nothing was going to spoil that. Maybe she really didn’t remember me or the time we had together.

It was hard not to feel sad over the fact that perhaps she wouldn’t be able to share the wonderful times we had spent together. I think I showed what I felt when she looked down at the table when I approached with the tray. I felt I needed to get hold of my feelings, so after I took back the empty tray. I returned to sit opposite her and study her face some more. I wanted to learn the differences. It was obvious even in her face that she had lost weight.

For every second I looked at her, I realized I liked her new look more and more. It was hurting me so much that I had lost contact with her, and I had really missed her. I had to know what had happened and tried to restrain myself from pushing too much to find out. I saw how fragile the petals of her being were. Camilla had always been my flower, and I wanted her to remind that.

She had a deep sadness inside her when she couldn’t return my compliment about her looks. When I asked her to tell me what had happened to her, she looked like a deer caught in the headlights of a car, and I thought she was going to bolt. How was I going to be able to get her trust me enough to tell me her story?

I let every statement she made sink into my brain. When she had a flashback, or a remembered memory she drew her eyes almost shut. I also noticed the tiny wrinkles formed around them. That at least hadn’t changed. She was always like that when she was concentrating on learning something new.

I was right, she agreed with the things I told her that I knew about her. She then surprised me when she came close to a memory of a connection between us. It was all I could do to stop myself leaping up from the chair and rushing round to hug her, but I was washed by a wave of disappointment when she seemed to remember a different guy.

In a whisper I said “Brad Pitt.”

I had her love of films in my mind, and it wasn’t difficult to see the connection between ‘Troy’ and ‘Interview With A Vampire’, which had been showing in the theatres soon after we had met. We had spent hours discussing Anne Rice’s books, and the film. Her copies would be pretty battered by now.

I tried to keep the conversation around that time, and I was rewarded with a new silence and the revelation wrinkles around her eyes. I thought that she had started to believe me when I said that we had met and known each other, even if I hadn’t yet won her trust.

I got that response from her when she still didn’t want to tell me what had happened to her. It didn’t come as I expected it would. I would never have thought she would try to solve a puzzle with her memories. She had always seemed so precise and found it easy to remember things. She had also loved writing, and I remembered her love of dairies.

So how could she loose all her memories of being with me? Surely I had to be there somewhere, and why hadn’t she re-read her dairies to help her reclaim her lost years? I was finding it hard to fit it all together. How would I have felt if I found myself in her situation?

It frightened me and made me feel a very small part of the universe. I had been terrified in the days I had been hospitalised, feeling I may have to learn to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair, but that fear would have been nothing compared to what she was going through. I have memories of every waking moment, so I found it much scarier to know that a veil had been drawn across your memories.

I still felt worried about her not remembering me the way I did her. It made me restless and needing to do something. My apartment suddenly felt very small. I found it was still early after I taken my shower and had a light breakfast.

As I hadn’t been ‘home’ so much, there weren’t many of my personal things there. My most precious possessions were still at my mothers. The majority of them were still in boxes or put in cabinets to keep them from getting dusty. I wasn’t sure if the things I’d been given by Camilla were here or in Canterbury, so I went through everything I could find. When I’d searched all the boxes, I remembered that I’d left it in my closet at mum’s house.

I reached for the phone to call Samantha, asking if I could go over and borrow her car again. I was luck to catch her just before she went out. She said there was no problem as she didn’t need the car during the day. She teased me asking why I had returned it the previous day knowing I wanted it again. I just grunted at her in reply. She told me she had to run and would leave the keys with her neighbour.

I quickly threw on some clothes and left the apartment. There was no problem about me getting down to Canterbury and back before Kate arrived. She wasn’t due until six this evening, which meant I had the entire day to myself.

I’d given her a key, so to be on the safe side, I left a note letting her know I’d gone to visit my mother – not exactly true - and if I wasn’t home when she got there I wouldn’t be back too late. I didn’t want her to arrive to find the place empty in case she worried, and the note was a safety net in case the traffic was bad. I knew from experience that there were always tailbacks, and I didn’t think it would have gotten any better while I’d been away working.

It didn’t take too long to get to my sister’s place, and her neighbour was a nice little old lady who made me stay for a cup of tea. When I finally made it back to the car I put on the radio. Even though I wasn’t really listening to it, I felt I needed the background noise. I went through the meeting with Camilla in my mind.

The first thing I had to do was keep reminding myself that she no longer called herself Camilla. She had told me she was now known as Sophie. How the hell was I going to remember that? She was Camilla to me, and it wasn’t as if she was a character in a film with a name she could jump back to afterwards. I knew I had to stop thinking of her as Camilla. She was now Sophie. Sophie, Sophie, Sophie….

When she told me, my first reaction was to ask her why, and when she said that she connected her former name with dark things, I began to wonder just what those could be. The time we had spent together had never been that bad. Just a few things, but who hadn’t been teased or bullied by school friends. Kids could be cruel by not thinking before they spoke, often hurting people in the process. Unfortunately, those moments often stayed deep inside you, never to fade completely away.

The name she had chosen was good, and suited her new look. For my flower it was definitely a ladies name. Fit for a princess...

When she told me she recognized me from my parts in Pirates of the Caribbean and Lord of the Rings, I wasn’t really surprised. She didn’t seem to have lost her love for films. She used to get totally lost in the stories. There wouldn’t be any problem to ‘feed’ her with mine. 

I was glad she felt she could ask me to tell her what we’d had together, and how our relationship had started. She wanted me to fill in the missing pieces of her puzzle, and I would love to do it for her.

I remembered our first meeting as if it was yesterday. I’d been down the pub with some mates. As I was sitting there, I watched her come in with a girl, walking around as if they were looking for someone. She was wearing a dark blouse and red pants. Her hair was cut short and the colour changed in the light. I wondered who she was, and found myself following her. I realized I wanted to get to know her.

She was open and friendly, and her smile never seemed to leave her face. I fell deep into her sparkling green/blue eyes, and she didn’t seem aversed to getting to know me either. We found each other that night, and not wanting to loose any time, I took every opportunity to be with her. It meant bunking off school for most of that week, but I didn’t care.

I almost forgot to ask her about the tattoo Sophie had done after seeing mine. When she wore a long sleeved lilac shirt it wasn’t visible. I knew that she had to remember getting it done, it wasn’t actually anything you could erase. She had done a drawing that she needed to have scaled down. It was a heart for love, a cross for her believes, and flames to show her burning passion of things she cared about. She had combined them so that the cross pierced the heart and both were encircled by the flames.

I hit a good button with that when she first thanked me for not bailing out, and she said she was planning on more. I knew it was easy to want more once you had the first done. I knew I would have had more done if it wasn’t for the hastle of having to get them covered up if I had to film and naked scenes in future films.

That was probably what helped me to earn her trust. Who else but a friend would know about her tattoo. It seemed to help her ask more questions. I tried to answer them all as well as I could. I didn’t stop to think how she would be feeling as she tried to absorb so much information all in one go. As I sat there in the car, it came to me how she must have felt for her last night. She had the chance to tell me stop though. 

As I was telling her things that must have seemed familiar to her, I noted that she unconsciously fiddled with the bracelet she wore on her left wrist. I was hoping she would find a few things I told her could only be known by a close friend. I didn’t care if it sounded like a fairytale. Looking more closely at it, maybe it was, especially the way my life had changed.

I don’t know if it was from my film image, or if she really felt some affection for me. Her stroking over my knuckles was sending good vibrations through me. Just thinking of her touch brought the sensation back into my mind.

My thoughts wandered. What if I hadn’t let my calls and letter slide back in 1998?  Where would we be now? If we had been together, would I have been able to keep the dark demons away from her? Would she have come with me to New Zealand? However much I wanted to know the answers, there was nothing I could change now. The past was the past, but maybe I could poke a finger into the future. If I could, I would make sure she never escaped from my web again.

‘Tuut’ ‘Tuuut’

Someone was leaning on his horn. I was about to shout at him when I looked around and saw I was the cause of all the noise. I was about to cause a minor traffic accident. I was so lost in my thoughts that I hadn’t taken noticed of the traffic around me. I so let the next minutes really concentrating on my driving.

When the traffic was flowing again, my thoughts returned to yesterday. I knew I wasn’t the good actor when I told her about how much I missed her, how I fruitlessly searched for her, about my accident. My friend have told me that my eyes change colour with my moods, going so dark they seem almost black when I get angry, agitated or really sad. I had a feeling they change when I spoke of my feelings to Sophie.

I never thought to try and hide my feelings towards her, and my reward was seeing her reach out to stroke my cheek. I had to tell her how relived I was to have met her again, and that I didn’t plan to loose her this time. I appreciated the fact that she tried to be the rational, telling me we couldn’t just take up where we left off those years ago. She was right of course. I didn’t look the same on the outside. Of course, I was carrying six years of new experience inside me, but I found it hard to believe that I had changed all that much on the outside. Although I knew I was more matured now.

I told Sophie I would try not to let my celebrity state invade our friendship, and I hoped I could keep her out of the limelight for as long as possibly. I didn’t want to give her anything to worry about. She must have been feeling overwhelmed already without that to cope with. I didn’t think it would do her memory any good to be hounded by the ‘piranhas’.

She asked me to give her time, and I agreed to try. In honestly, it probably wouldn’t be all that hard as I was due to start on another film soon, and had to leave for the USA. Once I began filming, I probably wouldn’t have enough spare time to fly across to see her. Maybe I could convince her to take a vacation with me some time after October.

The one thing that calmed me down was her agreement to see me again. It was so cute seeing the way she couldn’t believe that I would want to stay in contact with her. Maybe she just felt flattered because I was now a ‘star’.

When Sophie broke eye contact with me and began to say goodbye, I began to get nervous. I didn’t want our meeting to come to an end, so I tried to keep her with me for a little longer. I was even willing to cancel my meeting with Dominic and Billy later in the evening if it meant I could spend more time with her. Sadly she seemed to have planned her trip very carefully and decided things to do everyday of it. Then I had to think of that Kate would be here and I’d promised to go and listen to Billy playing. First day we would be able to see each other were on Sunday.

My brain cells were on overload, and I quickly calculated that I could meet up with her again on Sunday 1.00. She told me she was staying at the London Embassy Hotel on the Bayswater Road, which was close to my apartment. I was wishing the time away until Sunday. I couldn’t wait to see her again, but it felt a lifetime away.

I took every chance I could to stay with her for a bit longer, even offering to take her to where she was due to meet her friend. She tried to put me off, probably not wanting to be a burden. She even tried to give me the slip by telling me she had some errands to run. I told her she wasn’t a burden in any way, and I insisted she let me go with her on her errand, and take her to meet her friend afterwards.

Sophie made me smile when she joked about my difficulty in letting her go. She teased me by asking if I thought she would stand me up or vanish if I let her out of my sight. She was right in part, I was scared that she would vanish again, and I still wasn’t sure she would be there on Sunday. I’d had a really nice time being with her, I’d always enjoyed her company. I felt I could be myself when I was with her.

Her errand turned out to be a trip to H. Samuels. She wanted to buy a few new dragons for her collection. I had remembered she had bought a few every time she made a trip to England. I wasn’t too sure where all branches were, so I said I would take her to the one I knew was in Oxford Street. As it was afternoon by then, I was a bit worried about finding a parking spot, but luck was with me, and I found one not too far from the store.

It was much more crowded there, and I noticed several people were looking my way, and had recognize me. I was pleased to see they were content in looking and didn’t come over to bother us, and there was no sign of paparazzi. Sophie seemed to want to take her time, and just stood looking through the window at the displays for a while. The shop displayed the pocket dragons that she loved, but that wasn’t really what caught my attention. It was the jewellery from Lord of the Rings. I was tired of seeing it everywhere. It had been fun in the beginning, but not anymore. I thought the ‘hysteria’ around it was too much. I would never have guessed it would reach those proportions when I signed on to play Legolas. I knew it wasn’t over either, there would be more to come. I kept my true thoughts on the matter to myself.

It was kind of fun to see what they had on offer, so I didn’t get bored waiting for Sophie to decide what she wanted to buy.  A young assistant came over and was overwhelmingly nice, showing everything on offer for us. I suspected she wouldn’t have been so obliging if Sophie had been alone. Her eyes constantly wandered in my direction. I just smiled at her.

Sophie stayed at the Myth and Magic display for a long time, making it easy for me to see what they had next to it. There were some pendants and charms in silver. One especially caught my eye, it was a dragon. Knowing Sophie’s love for them, I decided to buy it for her. I got the opportunity to do so when she went with the assistant to buy the items of her choice. I was quick to hand over my credit card to pay for it.

While the ornaments were being wrapped, Sophie walked off, giving me the opportunity to add the necklace to the purchase. The only thing the assistant had to do was slip it into its box, and then I would have to wait to see Sophie’s reaction when she found it in the bag. I noticed the assistant blushing when I spoke to her, and she was having trouble to wrapping the items. I did play with her little, seeing how nervous I could make her. She passed with flying colours, not making any huge mistakes.

Just as I was handed the bag, Sophie came back. I asked her where she had been and she said she had just been looking at some of the other displays. I really wondered what it was. Maybe she had been looking at the ‘Lord of the Rings’ merchandise. I wondered which pieces she liked most. What would she like to buy? I decided to ask her on Sunday what she thought of the films I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable by asking her just yet.

I put my arm around her shoulders when we left the store. I did it out of habit. We had so often walked together that way. Somehow it felt like old times, but when she quickened her steps to break free, I felt saddened. She still felt cold towards me. I didn’t quicken my pace to catch up with her, but she suddenly slowed hers to allow me to walk beside her once again. After everything I had told her, and what she had let me know, I decided that the ball was in her corner, and it was up to her to tell me why she was acting the way she did. We walked the rest of the way to the car in silence.  

I was thinking of ways I could be of help to her in starting to remember our time together. I had kept all the letters she had written to me, and all the things she had given to me while we were together. Could that help her to remember? I knew I had to try. I wanted her back to her old self as soon as possible. I missed that in her. I really wanted to continue to try, but at the same time I would hate myself for not listening to her. No matter how hard it might be to bear, I would let her decide how we were going to work this out between us.

My heart was in my mouth as I stopped the car outside The Black Friar and Sophie plucked up enough courage to tell me why she acted as she had outside the store. At the very worst, I thought she would tell me she was married, or was in a committed relationship. She was of an age where she could have a family. If she had a child, it would be okay, but another man? I didn’t want to go down that road, I wouldn’t be able to bear it. I conveniently forgot about thinking the relationship I was in, I could always break it if needed. Luckily that wasn’t the cause of her actions. When I heard, I let out the breath I’d been holding.

I couldn’t speak. I felt the anger rising within me what had been done to her. What had made her so terrified of people’s expectations of her that it led to her hating to be touched? If it was a person, I wanted to put him up against the wall! Then relief hit me as I realised that I may have an opening back into her life. I wanted to show her there was nothing wrong in accepting the close body contact of a friend, if only to hold hands. I also needed to let her know that it was safe to trust people, if only a little bit.

I realised I was silent for too long and she was on her way out of the car, so I stopped her. She was scared that I would take it the wrong way and I saw fear in her eyes as a lone tear rolled slowly down her cheek. I stroked it gently away with the back of my fingers. I didn’t want her to be sad. I felt her muscles twitch at my touch and realised she must have a will of iron to stay so calm at that moment. I told her I needed to know if she ever felt uneasy, as unless she told me, I may be liable to make her feel uncomfortable. I didn’t want to put a foot wrong with her.

When I told her she needed to talk to me about how she was feeling, I lifted her face up so that she was looking at me and tell I wasn’t lying, and I was sincere in what I was telling her. If things had been normal, I would have enveloped her into the safety of my embrace, and held her until she stopped shivering. I wanted to kiss her so much, to give her my affection and warmth. In my mind I kissed her, in reality I gently caressed her lips with my fingertips.

Sophie closed her eyes and stayed turned against me. Once again I had to stop myself from leaning in and kissing her. I would let her be the one to take that step. The moment passed too quickly and she almost managed to shut the door and make her escape when I realised I hadn’t given her my address or phone numbers.

She waited while I tried in vain to find anything to write on and with. Why didn’t my sister keep any useful paper in the car? I managed to find a pen in the glove box, and when I looked up at Sophie, she was reaching into her backpack to retrieve a notebook for me to use. I took it, smiling to her she had some of her habits left. I definitely liked them. Never left home without a notebook! I scribbled down the information and ended it with x and hearts. I so hoped she wanted to use the information a lot.

She seemed so eager to get away that I just said goodbye, and reminded her that we would see each other again on Sunday. I watched her in the rear-view mirror for as long as I could.

I found myself looking in the rear-view mirror as if to see her there, but all I saw were a few cars and a lot of fields. I was actually almost in Canterbury!

 

*Part 13*

Authors note; It is still from Orlando’s pov. My ‘beta’ and I decided to not do anything with the dairy entries or translate parts of it.   

 

According to my watch it was getting on for ten o’clock, so my mother would be at work. Luckily, I still had a key to the house, so I could just let myself in. I decided to drop in on mum on the way home.

I stopped inside the door, and breathed in the familiar smells. There was something special about being there, loosing myself in the rose fragrance that always said ‘mum’ to me. I was sad knowing that I hadn’t been able to spent a lot of time with her. It felt like years since I’d been ‘home’, even though it had in fact only been a few months. Standing there, I realised how much I missed her. Even when she had flown out to visit me in Morocco, it hadn’t seemed enough. I decided that I would definitely spend some time with her during the following week.

A rumble from my stomach reminded me that it was some time since I’d last eaten, and then it had only been a snack. So, first stop, kitchen. Opening up the fridge, I had to smile when I saw that old habits never seemed to die. There was a stock of sodas, just in case Samantha or I came to visit. I took one, and turned to see if I could find any fruit. There was a full bowl on the counter, so after taking a selection, I left the kitchen.

I walked up the stairs and stopped outside the second door on the left. My room. It wasn’t very big, but perfect for when I came to visit. I sat on the bed, looking out of the window, as I ate my fruit.

I didn’t want to linger too long, so I went to the closet where I had left the old shoebox. It was on the bottom, under some old t-shirts. I was glad I hadn’t stored it in the attic or the basement. It hadn’t felt right to put it with a load of old boxes. I wanted it to be close at hand for whenever I felt the need to look through my memories. Somehow it had soothed me in times I felt low and was missing her so badly. The shoebox was getting old and the lid was just about falling apart.

Sitting back on the edge of the bed, I removed the box lid and the memories came flooding out over me. Everything was so familiar, and it soothed me looking through the contents. I think I remembered the exact moment I received each item, and the feelings I had at the time.

I started picking things out of the box, first a bundle of letters, most of them written by Sophie, and the words all came rushing back to me. Most of them were well thumbed and had been read several times. Instead of loosing myself in them by reading them again, I moved onto the next bundle, which was slightly larger. Skimming through it, I saw clips from our meetings, what we did and how Sophie looked. There were both colour and black and white photos. The majority of them taken by me, and the rest made up of the ones she had sent to me. Why hadn’t I put them in an album?

Next, I took out a copy of Interview with a Vampire. As I picked it up, a bookmark fell out. I didn’t remember leaving it in the book and that I’d been reading it lately. Could Sophie have forgotten it? I turned the bookmark over in my hands and noted that it wasn’t anything special, just a receipt for something that also would be in the box. That told me it must have been my own bookmark. The book was in good condition and I thought I might take it with me to read again later. I remembered it was one of Sophie’s favorites books. She often talked about it, and the others in the series, and I hoped she still liked them. I would ask her on Sunday. I put the book down with the other things.

Looking through everything really got me thinking of the time we had been together, and realizing for me that period was pure bliss. I couldn’t think of many times it hadn’t been good, maybe that was due to our long distance relationship. I come to the small gifts I’d received from her, but I put them aside for a moment, along with a few others things that would have to wait. Instead, I picked up the sheets of paper that lay on the bottom of the box. I unfolded them and looked at the drawings. There was one that especially brought a broad smile to my face. It was one we had draw together. It was a landscape, drawn in graphite with a few details highlighted in light color by Sophie. I thought it was quite good, but remembered that Sophie wasn’t satisfied with it and was ready to throw it away. She had started to crumple it up when I had stopped her. Every time I picked it up to look at it, I tried to smooth away the creases without much success, so the lines were still visible. If she remembered it, I wondered what she would think of it today?

I refolded it and started to put the items back in the box, stopping when I came across a necklace she had made for me. I put it on, regretting that I hadn’t worn it since 1999. It blended in well with the ones I wore now.

I noticed the edge of a black notebook and stopped. I hadn’t remembered that being there. If I wasn’t totally mistaken, it was a diary. Had I written it, or was it one of hers? Opening it, I soon found it to be Sophie’s. How could I have forgotten it? The pages were filled with her changing handwriting. Mostly, they were neat and easily read, but there were a few days with illegible handwriting. Looking at the dates, it was from our second year together - 1996. I randomly shuffled through the pages, reading what she had written.

14 February 1996 –Valentine 
I received 2 cards; one from M. and one from O.
I best liked that one I got from my love, I miss him! It was a cute card he chosen - a cat sitting in a box. From the text he written he seem to miss me too. Hope he liked my card as well.
Dagen har annars varit lugn. Gjorde inte så mycket……

It wasn’t only this entry that was written in both English and Swedish. I didn’t understand it as I hadn’t tried to learn much Swedish. Maybe I had thought there was plenty of time to do that after I had finished school. So, for all I knew, she might have been writing bad things about me! I jumped to a new entry.

26 mars 1996
Got some headache when the car didn’t start. Lucky that I could take the other car, when I had to go to the city and collect my tickets. Eight days left until I meet O again. I hope they will go fast.
M. frågade vad jag skulle göra I Påsk. Fattar han trögt att jag är upptagen?!

3 November 1996
Blivit sittande och skrivande idag. Inte här utan på ’Hollywood breeze’. I still haven’t decided whom Sandra should be together with. There is two guy’s 1.  who fit her dream guy – brown hair and eyes, a few years older and a very good looking and actor. Then there guy number 2. which is opposite to 1 -  blond and blue eyes, being a photo model also handsome.  Maybe I should put in a third guy? Perhaps the best when my dark guy is so much like O. To close to reality, except the age. I don’t think that is good in the long run, if I ever will try to sell it. I have to say that I’m most weak about 1, have been since I started the story and when I always have had a special star in mind - KR. Probably have to wait and see what it will become of the story. Matter what so is it O’s eyes that always are with me and if we manage another year I hope it can hold for the rest of our lives. Or do I go too fast? Imagine something there isn’t?
Writing about him reminds me I received a letter a few days ago, so it’s probably would be better to answer that instead of rambling here.

15 July 1996
Sjuk – hemma
Försökte sova större delen av dagen, men nått måste vara fel.
I got headache again. Didn’t help to sleep and the medication doesn’t help either. I think I was quite dizzy when O. called. It helped little to hear his voice, it is so soothing at the same time heartbreaking to know he so far away. I wish he had been here.
Huvudvärken ger mig blixtar och jag hatar alla ljud, det är som om allt later 100 gånger högre.

I was curiosity about what she had written and it was the first time I think I had looked through the book. It seemed funny that she changed language during the entries. Somehow, it ‘sounded’ like everything she wrote about me was put down in English. I wondered why!

5 April 1996 London
It is Långfredag.
Like home, has the banks been closed and a lot of stores too. So we slept in today and take it easy with reading, discussing, laughing. It is so easy to be with O. He is one of the guys I really feel comfortable with.
O and I have been and seen Broken Arrow with Christian Slater. It was okay, my companion is looking a long way better. What did I see in C.? Typical filmstar love. Who will it be next time?
After the film we went to a restaurant in ‘Chinatown’ – Fung Shing. As usual they had good food even if they had changed owners since last time I was here. I think I starting to get hang on how to use the sticks.

21 September 1996
Min födelsedag.
Släktingar var här på förmiddagen för att jag skulle ut på kvällen. ….
Right before Angel and I went out of the door the phone started ringing. It was O, he remembered me this year. It got short and I promised to call him tomorrow.
The evening was celebrated at Harley’s, much to thank for I know the guards - they let in Angel. Maybe they were nice because of my birthday. It is fun to go out with her, she is sugar for the boy’s. We were never alone, but of course I missed one.

16 November 1996 London
Why can’t he listen to me?  What is wrong with men?
I hate to be irritated and angry on any. It isn’t feeling better when we know we haven’t much time together. It was a trifle that started the arguing. Which seemed to get bigger for every accusation we could come on. It is irritated to be the older one of us and be learnt that you should listen to the older people.
Maybe it never will work between us. Otherwise there will be the people that would look askance at us because of our age difference. He say that wouldn’t bother him and it isn’t so many years. But how common is it with a pair when the woman is older?
That was just one of the reasons we fight today. Another was about Christmas. Neither of us wants to change our plans and I really think it would be time for him to come to me. He surely could have tried to save some money for an air ticket.
I have also tried to explain for him my situation. I feel I have shorter to explode than before. Can one of the things depend on that I have more often headache?
Which I have had more than half the day.

That was the last entry, written the day before she had gone home. I should probably be happy that she came twice that year. Why had she been so angry? What was it that I hadn’t listened to? I couldn’t recollect the day fully. So my memory wasn’t perfect either. I didn’t think asking Sophie would shed any light on it, so I might never get a complete answer to all my questions. Anyway, it couldn’t have been too bad when we had been together for just over a year. I skimmed through the book again, mostly stopping at the drawings she had made on some pages. Sometimes I thought she had drawn when she hadn’t any urge to write, but had still picked up the book to make some kind of entry. Often it seemed that she chose the ink colour to match her mood. In general, it didn’t look so good in black.

The entries she had made in England helped bring memories of her, how she would often by lying in the bed, absently chewing on the pen while deciding what to write. I wondered if I would ever see her do that again? I thought it would be interesting to see her reaction when I gave her dairy back to her. Hadn’t she told me that she tried to reread the ones she had? She may have even notice one seemed to be missing.

I had recognized a few of the names she mentioned. I liked the way she just use the first initial when she wrote about her friends, or as Angel, her nickname for one of her best friends. I tried to remember the girls real name, and soon had it – Angela. I thought she was in one of the pictures, and had looked like an angel with her blond hair. ‘M’ was probably the schoolmate she had met again through the course she had attended that spring. He had a short name - Mark, no, not an English sounding name. Mats, that was it. She had mentioned a few more and I wondered how many friends she still had now? Or had she completely cut them out of her life along with all the other links? Once again, I wished she had felt able to tell me what had happened to her. It must have been something pretty drastic in her life. Reading about her complaining of a headache, reminded me that she had complained more each year about them. Could that have been part of the cause of her memory loss? I wanted the answer now, but I had promised that I wouldn’t push her, and I intended to keep that promised, no matter how hard it was. Hopefully, she would feel up to telling me a little more when we met up on Sunday.

The last thing I picked up to return to the shoebox was a small rectangular velvet box. It held a gift I had planned to give her the next time we met. That time never came, and there was no way I could have given it to anyone other than her, nor could I bring myself to return it. I had kept it in the hope of giving it to her when I finally found her again. Opening the box, I looked at the gold bracelet and the four charms, one charm for each year we had known each other. I had spent a long time picking them out. They fitted her interests and beliefs. The last charm had been the hardest to find. It was a unicorn. Looking at it now, I was still amazed at how well it had been made. I wasn’t sure if I would give her the gift right away, or if I should wait until I knew how our relationship would develop. I knew I would soon see myself buying new charms for her.

I closed the box and the closet door, and went downstairs. Looking at the clock in the living room, I noticed I had been sitting in my room a lot longer than I had envisioned. It was almost noon. My mother would be on her lunch break, so it would be no bother to show up at her work. I had to tell her that Kate and I wouldn’t make it for Sunday lunch, but would probably be there on Monday instead.

I checked to make sure I’d locked up the house before droving the short distance to see mum.

I sure surprised her, but she was pleased to see me.  Of course she wanted to know why I just turned up out of the blue, in typical ‘mother mode’.

“I had to pick up the shoebox with Camilla’s things in.”

“Haven’t you given up hope yet?”

“No, and I’m very glad that I never have.”

My mother must have noticed how my face lit up as she asked me to carry on. She knew me so well, there was no way I could keep quiet about it.

“I found her in Soho yesterday. I almost walked right by her. She’s changed a lot, dropped some weight and looks like she’s been training hard. She’s let her hair grow and had several plaits in it.”

“Did she recognize you?”

“Yes, but there’s a problem. She’s been in some sort of accident which has caused extensive memory loss. She looked really scared, and I got the feeling she didn’t want me to get any closer than arms length. She called me by my name, but I think she only really recognised me from my film work.”

“Did you manage to have a talk with her?”

“I think if I hadn’t tried to convince her that we had know each other by telling her things about herself, she would have just walked away, but I awoke her curiosity, and she agreed to go to a café with me. We sat and talked for almost two hours before she had to leave.”

I continued to tell mum the main parts of the meeting, and she only interrupted with a few ‘what’, ‘why’ and ‘how’.

“So, I’m right in thinking you will meet … Sophie again, aren’t I?”

“Yes, on Sunday, which means that I have to change the dinner plans to Monday if that’s okay?”

She didn’t look too disappointed about my change of plans, just a little concerned. I guessed where some of it lay, and I wasn’t wrong.

“Orlando, you must be careful. You have to be sure of your feelings and not rush into anything. You know that it’s not only you this concerns. You have to think about the others that will be affected by your actions. What have you said to Kate? Does she know anything at all about it?”

I started chewing a fingernail. I knew deep down I had to tell Kate, and the thought of her reaction didn’t appeal to me one little bit.

After a moments silence I said; “I haven’t told her anything yet. I hope to get a chance tonight, or tomorrow at the latest. I just don’t know how to tell her.”

“You know the best way is to be true to yourself, and don’t be too long winded. She was a big part of your life back then, and I think I’m right in saying Kate is too, aren’t I?”

“I know, but I’m not sure of my feelings now. Part of me would love to take up where Sophie and I left off, although I can’t see that happening with her not being able to remember our time together. Another part of me is saying I should hold on to what I have now, even if it’s not fair to Kate. A third part of me is warning me that I may loose both of them, especially as I think Kate will take the whole thing badly. No matter what happens, I don’t want to hurt her.”

“Orlando, take time to think about it on the way back to London. Try to finds out what you heart wants, and maybe wait before making your final decision. But don’t wait too long to speak with Kate, and be gently with her. I think that will make things right in the long run.”

There was only a little time left before mum had to go back to work, and we spent it talking about what had been going on in the past month.

I did what mum said, and on the way back to London I continued thinking about Sophie and what I would say to Kate. I hoped her flight would be on time to enable me to start telling her about it before we went out later tonight.

Then I realized I would have to tell Dominic and Billy something to explain my behaviour at the theatre. I know I must have seemed a bit distracted during the play, and they probably wondered why I left before the end. The reunion with Sophie wasn’t something I had wished or dreamed of.

Even though I was thinking of my upcoming conversation with Kate, I was alert to the traffic conditions. As I got closer to London , it got busier and the afternoon rush had already begun. I knew though, that it wouldn’t make me any later getting back to the apartment than six. 

After I left the car with Samantha, I went to the flower shop and bought a bouquet of red, white and blue carnations. Kate would probably suspect something was up, and that’s what I wanted.

 

*Part 14*

Authors note; Now we back to follow Sofie, and from now if there isn’t any said in the beginning of the parts it is her’s.

I found a good table to sit and work at after breakfast. As I began eating, I realised I was more hungry than I had first thought, and was glad there was a buffet breakfast. I was on my second round when Dominic came and joined me.

His damp hair had been combed following his shower, and the look on his face told me he wished he had some clean clothes. He didn’t look too bad though, and I hoped the pills had eased his hangover. As I watched him, I got to thinking about the guys I really dated and decided he would fit in with them. There were just two exceptions to the ‘club’, and they were the two I had really been in love with. One was my first boyfriend, who I thought was my true love. When we broke up a few months after we met I had too many short relationships, all with guys that didn’t remind me of him. Then I must have met Orlando, and had probably fallen hard again. The last few years hadn’t included many male friends. Maybe it was time to change that.

With every second that passed I realised that Dominic was starting to look worried and uncomfortable. He must be expecting something from me. 

“Is something wrong, Dominic?”

“Yeah, do you regret what happened last night or are you always so cold and silent in the mornings?”

“There are several ways to answer that question. One is that I have a hangover as well as you. I’m not usually cold towards friends in the morning. Silent perhaps, but there are reasons for that.”

“You avoided saying what you thought about last night, do you regret it?”

“I avoid it because I don’t know what I think, it is still fresh and I had a very eventful day.”

I didn’t like the route our talk seemed to be taking. I started to fiddle with my bracelet and looked everywhere except at Dominic.

After several minutes of silence he broke it to ask, “Don’t you like me?”

“What makes you think that?”

“You not looking at me and you haven’t kissed or hugged me this morning.”

“Sorry, I’m not that sort of open person. I don’t regret last night, but I’m a bit wary about what will happen.”

“Like what? Is there anything you haven’t told me?”

“Yes.”

“Is this the part where you tell me you have a boyfriend, a husband, or what?”

He looked sad and I wondered how he could ever think our little nocturnal escapade could be anything more than a fling. How would he really react if I told him the reason I was acting so cold towards him. I think I was started to regret the previous night. I didn’t want to tell him I had just used him. Or had I? Everything was a mess, and it was hard to see the right way through it all.

“Honestly, I don’t know if I have a boyfriend or family. I can’t ... what did you call it enlighten you something that isn’t in my memory.”

“What are you talking about? Not in your memory? You must know your background and what you do?”

“Yes and no. I have a problem with my memory, some parts are missing altogether and some are mixed up. I’m still working to try and get everything back in place. Before you ask the next question, which I’m sure you will, it’s been this way for the last six years. I had, should we say, an accident, which I don’t want to talk about any further.” 

I was happy to see that Dominic seemed to accept my answer, and he continued with his breakfast. I realised I’d probably hurt him, but I didn’t know what to do about it. I didn’t think I could some up with a fair explanation. My feelings had changed. I didn’t have the resistance to him I’d had before I got to know him. I was sure I wanted us to continue to be friends.

So, when he had finished eating, I tried to be a bit more socialable, asking him if he wanted to see me again. I thought no matter what, we would probably meet up again that evening. I hadn’t forgotten that he and Billy Boyd would be at the Borderline.

 “I think I will, you’re nice and you seem not to be so star struck.”

“Thanks, Dominic. You’re not so bad either. But I’m primarily here in London on business, then to meet up with some friends, Berlinda is one of them, if you remember meeting her last night. Then I’ll be going home to Sweden on Sunday evening. So I don’t know how much we will be able to see each other.”

“That’s a pity, I’m only here until tomorrow, then I have to go back to the States. It’s lucky that you and Berlinda decided to go to the Borderline too, we will be able to get together there, won’t we?”

“Yes, we will be there. I didn’t plan to meet anyone other than my friends, so I kind of booked my schedule, especially as I’m not so often able to come here. I wanted to fit in as much as possible before going home. If it’s okay and we have the night free, maybe we could get to know each other a bit better. Does that sound like a plan?”

“That’s sounds good. I can always sleep on the plan, it’s the only way to fly!”

“I don’t want to chase you away, but I need to do my work now, if you don’t mind.”

“That’s okay I probably need to get back before Billy sends out a search party for me. I’ll just get my jacket from your room, and I’ll see you later tonight.”

He stood up and leaned forward to kiss me on the cheek. I was so surprised, I just sat there. Somehow it all seemed to be going so easy. A guy shouldn’t just accept what I said without a struggle. So, maybe while I was thinking he wanted it to be more than a one-night stand, he wasn’t. I might get the answer tonight.   

 

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