*Part  25* 

Back to Sophie’s pov

“Snälla, stäng av filmen. Jag vill inte höra ett endaste ord till från nå’n av hobbitarna[1].” At the same time I said it I put my arms over my ears to let the sound disappear. Someone had put the sound up all to loud. I could not remember I had been watching one of the Lord of the Rings films. It didn’t’ matter as my head for the moment still was exposed to more sound than I felt I was able to take in.

Every time I suffered a bad migraine attacks I became very sensitive to sound and light. I kept my eyes closed as I could sense the room was bathing in light. I could feel this was one of the worse attacks I'd had since my operation. In the state I was right now I, couldn’t remember what I had been doing earlier, and it surprised me. Somehow I couldn’t understand that I had people at home, and they were of no consideration to me. I was feeling so groggy that everything would have to wait; sometimes the film needs to run to its conclusion.

I must have fallen in and out of sleep as I was only remembering smattering of speech, and it was making no sense to me. I seemed to be hearing a woman speaking from time to time as well. The hammering in my head wasn't diminishing, and if I'd been feeling more up to it, I would have tried to explain to the voices just how sensitive my senses were during an attack.

For once I didn’t feel so scared or alone as I had during previous attacks, since I could feel the warmth of another person envelope me. He or she was gently stroking my hair and arm, trying to soothe away my pain. It was a mystery to me who this could be, but I was not well enough to try to open my eyes to find out. It relaxed me knowing I wasn’t alone if I began feeling worse. It was good to know that there was someone who was there to take care of me. Someone who was concerned about me.

At one stage I nearly woke and must have move restlessly as the mystery comforter seemed to urge the others around to be quiet. The sound lowered, but didn’t disappear entirely. I was certain I was surrounded by Hobbits, well, at least two anyway, but I couldn’t recognize the lines they were speaking.

I was home, but still it felt like it wasn’t home for me. I know the home for me would be where my love is and right now this was where he lived for the moment. The place wasn’t big, but it does not matter as long as it was home.

The place was clearly mostly inhabited by a guy. For the moment, there were a few things that were mine. I know I’ve been there a few days and it brought a touch of me there.

I looked around because I had woken up alone in bed and missed my partner. I couldn’t hear him or even see him, so I decided he must have gone to the bathroom. So, I turned around and willed myself to fall asleep again.

I couldn’t have been asleep for a very long, when I was woken up by the guy who showered me with kisses. When he came over my mouth, I open up and let him duel with my tongue as long as we could. His hands hadn’t been idle and he sure was turning me on.

“What’s this?” I asked when I felt he wasn’t naked.

“Hmm… I was… out… bought… some… breakfast… for us… so we… have… something… to eat… when… we are… ready to… get up.”

“You know that you can’t have clothes on when I’m naked…” I said between the kisses and while working to get his boxers off him, which was followed soon by taking off his t-shirt.

When they were off, he positioned himself between my legs and I clearly could feel his hard member pressing into my body. He went from his kissing and started to suck first one of my breast and then the other. His right hand made its way down to find my bud.

After working me to be as ready I could be, he decided it was the time to enter. Finally inside, he held up for a moment to let me acclimate. When a sufficient time had passed, he first slowly started to move. We had made love enough times that we started to know what was good and not for both of us.

It didn’t take that long before we were both sweating and moaning. Our breath gets heavier for every minute as we neared to get the sex fulfilled for the morning.

“Ooooorrrrlaaaaandoooooo!!!!”

“orlando,” I let the name out a lot lower than I had in what I quite quickly understood to be a dream.

Normally, hot dreams like that and the condition I was in, didn’t work well together, but this time, it was different. The first thing that came to my senses was the unique smell of a hospital mingled with a delicious after-shave.   

From previous hospital experience, I wasn’t too happy to realise that's where I was now. I became frightened. Could it be that I had suffered a relapse and the tumour had returned? The thought of it caused me to stiffen and open my eyes. I had to blink against the bright light before focussing on my surroundings. The first thing that came into view was a chest clad in a familiar white hospital gown.

Hadn’t I recently followed a white chest up and drown in a pair of seasoned mahogany eyes? I moved my eyes up to see if I might be met with the same brown eyes that enchanted me or if it still was only a dream. Before I saw the eyes I got a hesitating smile, though after that I was really met by those alluring eyes. Some of the guy’s long dark hair was hanging over in locks. I think I smiled back, since I recognized him.

I had met him earlier and he was someone special to me. I could feel my heart slowing to a normal rhythm. Even if I couldn’t remember why he was so special, or if I hadn’t known him for long, the fact that he was there with me helped me relax and recover from the fear of waking up not knowing where I was.

Instead of talking he slowly let his hand stroke over my cheek and I could see that something in his eyes left. I moved my hand to cover his. Somehow it felt like everything would straighten up. I would be able to get through this, no matter what it was.

*Part  26*

I was tired, closed my eyes, and moved closer toward him. I wanted the warmth he emanated and one part of me was scared that he would leave me now when he knew I had woken up. I could feel how he put his arm around me, which made me relax even more. With his heart beating near my ear I fell back to sleep again.

The next time I woke up. I was in his embrace, and I felt much better. I was able to think more clearly, and the pounding in my head was now no more than a dull thud. It felt so good lying in his arms that I tried not to move for fear of waking him. I could hear his slow, steady breathing and it relaxed me to just listen to him. After some time, I slowly began hearing other sounds both within the room and beyond.

I could distinguish other breathing and realized that we were not alone in the room. Curiosity got the better of me, and I tried to see who else was there. I spotted three people, two male, one female, sitting against the far wall. For a moment I wondered who they could be, but slowly I remembered the evening before my attack, recognised their clothes, and could put names to their faces. The first thing I was going to have to ask them was what had happened to leave me in a hospital bed. It was a blank spot in my memory.

I did remember how Berlinda and I had spent the day and went to Borderline to listen on Billy Boyd. The evening had been good and somehow I had felt more relaxed than I had been in a long time. I don’t regret anything that we had done or that I really had taken the opportunity to go to London. It surely was the time to do it and I hope I had opened the right door.

“Sigh no more, lady, sigh no more.” I started to whisper since I was sure that I had been reminded of the special verse from ‘Much ado about Nothing’. “Men were deceivers ever, One foot in sea, and one on shore, to one thing constant never.”

I was hugged closer and when I continued, I was accompanied by the guy’s voice, “Then sigh not so, but let them go, and be you blithe and bonny, converting all your sounds of woe. Into Hey nonny, hey nonny.”

“Morning, Sophie.” He said as we stopped reciting.

“Hi, Orlando. Why are you here and where are we?”

“You do not remember what happen last night? We are at Charing Cross Hospital.” He answered as low he could to not wake the others.

I moved out from his embrace and turned around as I wanted to face him. “Not after that you were whispering the verse into my ear at the dance floor in Borderline. I can’t even say what might cause a migraine attack.”

He looked over to Dominic and the others. I followed his eyes, wondering what they had to do with the whole thing. Shifting back to Orlando, I could see he was uncertain of how to begin.

“I did something I shouldn’t have done, didn’t I.” I said as I sat up.

“Nothing, that wouldn’t be normal for you I think. Somehow I think that I got you to remember something about us and you get a step closer to believe – accept that we had been a couple. We did kiss there on the floor.” Orlando said, looking again over at Dominic.

“Then what?” I wanted to know, since I hated to get all these blanks.

“I interrupted the two of you.” Dominic said from his place. “I’m sorry, but I didn’t know how things where and you hadn’t said anything and you sure gave me some wrong signals.”

“You shouldn’t be sorry. I probably have myself to blame for not trusting people to say it like it is.” I tried to clarify myself. “It seems that I haven’t learned from my mistakes.”

“What mistakes?” Billy said slurred, since our voices weren’t as low anymore and woke him.

I smiled, thinking they were so like the hobbits they played. “Mistakes, like to not clearly say how things have been affected after I went through a major head surgery in 1998. I often avoid telling what happened much because one of the things I’d have difficulty with is to know what people have for intensions. Not being able to understand their intension made me close up. With new people, I have made a habit to not talk about my life before 1999.”

“Oh,” came from the guys.   

“May I ask why you needed the head surgery?” Billy asked.

I looked them knowing they deserved the entire story. I had told them no more than I had let many other friends know. I slipped out of the bed and slowly shook Berlinda awake. She needed to hear the story as well and I only wanted to tell it once.

As she woke, relief flooded across her face finding me so alert. As she stretched, telling me that they had slept in the chairs all night, I realised that I was thirsty, hungry and in need of a trip to the rest room, and I didn't doubt they needed the same.

“I'll tell you everything about me soon, but first I think we all need some refreshment. Can one of you arrange some food, and maybe call a nurse in here?” I said.

They seemed to agree with me and everybody went out except Orlando. I looked over at him, noticing he had moved from lying on the side to his stomach. I lifted one eyebrow as the normal thing would be for him to lie on his back. Not asking why, I did the errand I needed.

The same moment I sat down on the bed again, a nurse come into the room.

“Your friends told me you were awake and asking for a nurse. They asked me to tell you they've gone off to rustle up some food. Now, what can I do to help you?” she asked as she looked at me.

“Can you tell me how long Orlando and I need to stay here? I'm feeling fine now and would really like to go home.”

She walked to the bed end and looked in the journal that was placed there.

“It looks like the doctor would like to run a few more tests before he lets you go. How were you during the night?”

“Good, you must given me the right medication since I can’t feel much of the headache.” I replied and went silent before I reacted on what else she had said. “What tests? What else happened?”

“It is a few blood tests.” She looked down in the papers again. “And a scan. You seemed to mention that you had had a brain surgery some years back. I would think the doctor wants to check it out to be on the safe side to see if nothing happened. I will come back and take the blood tests and then we’ll wait to hear from the doctor.”  

“What about Orlando?” I asked looking over to him wondering why he hadn’t said anything. Seeing that he actually fallen back to sleep.

The nurse put down my paper and took up his. “Your boyfriend is free to go, as I can see.” She read more in his journal before she continued, “According to the notes he was hit in his back by a car, though was lucky enough to only get bruises.”

I was even more curious about the previous nights events. The way the nurse spoke, she didn’t seem to know what happened so I kept silent and only nodded slightly. ‘Boyfriend?’ Were they assuming that only because we were in the same room? When I didn’t say anything more, she left.

I moved to be able to watch Orlando more closely. Curiosity took over and I found myself lifting the gown he was wearing to check out his back. Seeing the bruises caused a sharp intake of breath and a shocked squeal to escape my lips. I lost the grip of his grown and tried to cover my mouth to silence the sound.

I was fast, but not fast enough. My squeal had woken Orlando. He made to sit up and look at me, then hissed in pain.  

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he exclaimed and sank back down into his first position.

“Sorry to wake you. I just wanted to see how it looked. How did you manage to get that?” I said as fast as I got my voice back.

Orlando turned his head to look at me. “If Dominic hadn’t interrupted me earlier I would have told you why we ended up here in the hospital. Are they still here?”

“No, I asked them to go get something to eat, so they will be back. Please tell me.”

While no one could disturb his story, I got to hear what happened from the moment Dominic had jerked me from Orlando. It did answer most of my questions, but there were a few others questions I had to get answered when the others would be coming back.

 

*Part  27*

Before they returned with the food, the nurse had come back to take the blood tests. She let me know that the doctor had ordered the scan for an hour's time, and by the time that was over, the blood result would be back. I thanked her and used the time waiting for our friends to come back to gather my thoughts on how I would relate my story.

Orlando had found a more comfortable position and had fallen back to sleep. Watching him distracted me, but gave me a warm feeling inside, something I hadn't expected to feel, especially concerning a film star. It was like a weird dream that had no chance of ever coming true.

After some time my friends came back, bringing some sandwiches and tea to us. After eating, it felt even better, even if I would want to need more sleep to feel great. I knew that after one of my attacks it always took a few days for the whole body to be 100%.

Then I started telling my story of how I had become the person I was today. Orlando had woken, and moved to sit by my side, holding an arm around me, allowing me to lean against him, giving me his support and strength to allow me to carry on. With his help, I realised that it would make telling my story to anyone outside of my family would be easier than I had feared.

"I'm not sure how much sense I can make of it from the beginning, but I'll try to do my best to tell you something of my background," I began, and they nodded in agreement.

"I've had a lot of help getting things together when I couldn't remember everything on my own," I paused. "Anyway, everything began slowly around 1996. The doctors couldn't give an exact date, but that's when the constant headaches began to bother me. Every month seemed to get worse, and in the end I could hardly do a thing as the pain was always there. After several examinations and myriads of test, they finally detected a brain tumour. As it grew it put pressure on the brain centre and caused the headaches. In the spring of 1998 I underwent surgery for the removal of the tumour. I'd waited as long as I dared before agreeing to the surgery and was told I was lucky that even with the wait, it had been detected at an early stage. To be certain of complete eradication, I had to undergo chemotherapy after the surgery. It made me really sick, and I lost a lot of weight, which in the long run was a good side effect, but not something I would want to go through again."

"So how much did you weight before?" Dominic asked. Everyone glared at him.

"I did have a few to many kilos. According to what I read I wasn't that found of exercise, so you can try to picture it for yourself." I replied, not that offended.

"I liked you then, as I like how you look now. It wasn't that terrible." Orlando said and quickly hugged me.

I could feel myself blushing, because I knew that I was never confident about my weight. I was so happy that I'd come to like exercising and I could now stay at a good weight, of course it was probably a good thing that I couldn't remember a time when I didn't like to exercise.

"Yeah, you look great, and could have thousands of guys around you." Billy complemented. "Not that you didn't look good before. We've all seen the well thumbed picture Orlando carries around with him."

I wanted to run off and hide. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, it couldn't true. I asked Orlando if it was right, and he showed me the picture Billy spoke about. It certainly was well thumbed. Inside I wept tears of joy. It proved that I hadn't been forgotten in all those years. I only wished I could remember more about the relationship we had together back then.

I got so emotional that for a long time I couldn't continue my story. I finished drinking my tea to try and calm myself down. I also drew my legs up to sit in a crouch, which I often did when I was nervous, my way of trying to make myself invisible. 

"Why haven't you a steady boyfriend?" Dominic asked, with that broke the silent.

"That probably comes from one of the side effects from the surgery." I said, turning little where I sat. "I don't know why or what happened, but after I woke from the surgery I could barley remember anything. Very, very slowly at first a few things come back. I had to relearn some from scratch, how to speak, and use things. I needed to remember how people should act, what they say with their body language and also try to be comfortable with contacts. There have been those that I had no problem with after I was showed it. Sometimes it only took sometime because it was fragmented."

"What do you mean with fragmented?" Billy asked.

"Hmm. I think best is to compare it with a large jigsaw and when you start it, throw out all the pieces on the table. You know that they never fall into the right place at once. You have to move, turn and make the pieces to fit into the right place. It's been so with my memory. I have still things that haven't come back or are wrong." Not thinking I had strengthen my words with some hand movements.

"Wrong, how? What have that to do with you not having a boyfriend? The loss of memory wouldn't have to stop you to having one." Dominic still hadn't forgotten his question.

"I told you I'm not found of being touched. It makes it kind of hard to get close to anyone. It also has a lot to do with my fucked up memory. When I thought I was getting things sorted, I found out that some of the memories I thought were mine were actually not about my own life, it came from books and films. Because I couldn't trust if my memories were real, it scared me. It made me find it hard to trust people. I got into a few situations where people took advantage of my condition. It was easier to be with as few people as possible. To try and jog my memory, I started reading through old diaries, looking at photo albums, and ask people I trusted to tell me things over and over again." I paused, looking at Orlando. It was now I really had to tell him why I thought his memory had been erased.

Orlando must have felt my uneasiness because he hugged me even tighter and then released me to give me a little space. I liked the way he did that and remembered what I said, even if I had lowered my guard with him. I didn't stiffen up as I had done in the recent past when someone touched me. It actually felt good having someone close.

"Another thing that made me confused and unable to trust was the way my parents seemed to avoid the subject of boyfriends with me. I thought it was wired that I hadn't had anyone in my life. I was certainly old enough to have had several," I smiled. "A few that I've had were still in my memory, but they were back in my teenage years. I suspected there must have been someone during the 90's, so I confronted them, only to be told that there was someone, but it wasn't good. They were very tight lipped, and no matter how many times I asked them about him, they would tell me nothing. To this day they haven't told me why they've kept it from me. That kind of thing from your own parents doesn't help you to trust new people. Somehow I felt sure that the missing boyfriend issue has been very important to me. Maybe my recovery would have been faster if he had been there by my side. It's like something really close and important was missing."

"Just because of that you haven't dared to let any in to a relationship?" Dominic stated. Now the others nodded as they would have asked the same question.

"Yes, you could say that. Especially as the few times I did try to start a relationship I seemed to be comparing them to something or someone unknown. You do tend to search for something in a person that reminds you of... say your parents, or your dream guy or girl. Don't you?"

Berlinda said yes and Orlando almost succeeded to hide that a tear was dropping.

"How does Orlando come into the picture?" Dominic asked, most likely wanting to hear it from me.

"I'm probably the guy who was denied her. We were together from '94 to '98, when we both had surgery. We both learned that on Thursday when I met Sophie in Soho." Orlando replied for me.

"I was very taken aback when Orlando approached me on the street. If he hadn't come with a few facts only a close friend would know, I would never have believed that he might have known me in the past." I looked at the person in question and put my hand over his. "Even if he came out with personal details, I still couldn't remember him as ever having been my boyfriend as he said he had been. When he came up to me I realised I knew him, but as a lot of other people do, through films. I've seen Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean; The Curse of the Black Pearl and Troy. I'd also checked the actors via the Internet and accessed their pictures, which in my mind was the only reason I recognised him."

"Why did you say that you didn't know him when I asked you about it?" Dominic questioned me.

"I said that because I felt I didn't know him. If it had been the other way around and Orlando had asked me if I knew you, I would have told him no as well. You can't know a person from what you read in papers and magazines, or on the Internet. You can maybe start to say you know someone after you've met them a few times. What I believed I should know was so far from what I've read, until last night."

"What changed?" Dominic wondered. The fact that he continued to ask questions clearly showed that he wanted to understand, which felt good. I had a quick flash back from the previous evening of him being there to protect me. I was astonished that he would do that for someone he barley knew.

"Now, as before I've always have loved William Shakespeare's plays and things. When Orlando whispered the Hey Nonny strophe from Much Ado About Nothing in my ear last night I really got a memory of us together." I fell silent, thinking how things really had went and also what had been happening.

My friends said nothing. It was a big help that they hadn't asked too many questions, and hadn't raised their voices. I think I'd been scared that there may have been cause for them to fight amongst themselves.

I took a moment to look at them in turn. Billy looked to be the calmest. He didn't say much, knowing that the conversation was serious. He still had the same shirt on that he wore on stage at Borderline, so must have rushed to the hospital right after gig to support his friends.

Berlinda seemed to be becoming the kind of friend I had missed amongst my old ones. I hoped that we would become even closer after all this. I surely needed someone I could talk to even after this weekend. We had met through an Internet group I had joined to learn to know people with the same interests as myself. Back then I didn't think I would ever get to meet any of them in person, but when I'd received the request to create a web site for a company, I realised that we would be able to meet when I had to travel to London. I was a little scared that our online friendship might be destroyed when we met in the flesh, but now I had no doubts that it would only get stronger.

Dominic was more difficult to read, but somehow that didn't come as a surprise. He was Orlando's friend and in the short period we had known each other, we had been intimate. It had to be so complicated for him to learn that the girl he was attracted to turned out to be the former girlfriend of one of his best friends. If I had been in his shoes… I wouldn't have wanted to get involved as these situations seldom end well. It made no difference if you didn't know about it. In this case I could have resisted a bit more… chose not to. I could only pray that he would take it well and that his friendship with Orlando would not be damaged.

When Orlando said he had never really let me go, it told me he had deep feelings for me. I was really grateful about that when I woke up during the morning, knowing I wanted to continue to explore what we seemed to have together, and where it might lead. A huge plus was the way I felt safe, calm and peaceful when I was close to him. It was such a long time I had felt such inner tranquillity. I didn't shy away from his touch, which I often did with others.

"Orlando, how does your back feel?" I asked him, wanting to hear his soft voice and confirmed that I thought I saw he was in some pain.

"Sore, like I've been run over by a car or something." He smiled through the pain he was in. "Though I'm so happy to be with you." He catches my cheek to not let me withdraw from him when he let his lips brush mine.

If we had been alone I would probably have responded fiercely. I was saved by that the door was opened.

 

*Part  28*

“Hmm, excuse me, but we need this room. I was also informed that in ten minutes Miss Johansson you will be taken for the scan and then after another 30 minutes the doctor wants to talk to you.” The nurse who opened the door told us.

“Thanks.” I said. Before she said anything or turned around I added, “Please, would it be alright if we could stay here until my meeting with the doctor, as I think we have to part to different places?”

She looked more closely at the others, and seeing who the guys where she just nodded. Quickly she went out and closed the door behind her.

“She has seen Lord of the Ring too,” stated Billy, “Or she wouldn’t have squealed as soon as the door closed behind her.”

“You heard that?” Orlando asked.

“Yeah, close to the door as I’m." he paused, "Great that she didn’t ask for any autographs. It is probably best to disappear from here soon.” Billy replied.

Dominic looked at his watch. “I think I have to rebook my plane ticket… I’ll never be able to get my things and go to the airport in time. I need to get more famous before I can get a plan to wait for me.”

“I’m sorry that the night didn’t turn out as we planned.” I said mostly to Dominic.

“You don't need to apologise. No-one can tell what the future holds.” Berlinda said and continued, “I think we're all happy for the time we've had together anyway.”

“If anyone should apologise, it's me,” Dominic said. “I probably started it by pushing you away from Orlando, but right then I was jealous and didn’t want you to be in another man arms.”

“Dom, are you still mad at me?” Orlando wanted to know.

“What? No, of course not. I forgot to be angry the second you protected Sofie. Now that I know most of the story, which explain things, I can’t stay angry. Just jealous, because I wasn’t the first to learn to knew Sofie. Actually I’m happy for you.”

Dominic really looked like he meant what he said, so I could believe that the friendship between them wouldn’t be ruined. Then we are adults, learning the background story should make things easier to accept our actions. I do know I probably should have handled things differently, but I hadn’t and all I could do was try to correct and make up for it. Why I was not as keen to socialise was that a lot of times I’d found myself in situations that made me uncomfortable. Because of the fact that I didn’t remember things or mixed up memories I seemed to easily put myself in those situations I felt awful in. When it had happened several times I began to be scared that I would make a really big mistake. It had been so much easier to keep my distance from people so as not to go there. It had only served to make me lonely, so I had decided to try to change it, slowly working my way to get more active. Often it was easier to do when people didn’t know me, which made me to never say what I been through. Only now it showed that it come back at me and I had to rethink how to handle things. I probably had to let some people in behind my shell.

“Dominic you aren’t angry at me either, or are you?” I asked him feeling I might have taken advantage of him in a way I shouldn’t.

“No Sofie I’m not, though I’m disappointed… but so might any guy finding himself in a similar situation. I’ve had a great time and I’m happy to have met you. If things turn out as it seems they might, I would guess this won't be the last time we see each other. Even if it will not be in the way I first thought.”

“Maybe not. I’m happy to have met you too, and if I would need to get hold of you I know now who to ask.” I said and gave him a genuine smile.

There came a knock on the door and the nurse who been in to us earlier come to tell it was time for my scan.

“Is it okay, for me to say good bye to my friends?” I asked her.

“Only if you're quick.” She told me and went out from the room to give us some privacy.

I turned to my friend, “Berlinda, when will your train leave?”

“At noon, so if I want to catch it, I don't have much time left to get back to the hotel and get my things together.” She told me.

“Okay. I'll call you or chat with you as soon as I got home then.” I let her know as I understood we wouldn't get anymore time that day.

“I look forward to it, Sofie take care, get better and then I want to hear everything.” She smiled.

I just smiled back, knowing I would not tell her everything. I might brag some, who wouldn’t. I sure had met some of the stars from Lord of the Rings. She got up, and didn’t give any indication to hug me, which stopped me from stiffening up.

“What about you two guys?” I turned to Billy and Orlando.

“I have to follow Dominic so he can get his stuff and I say the same as him it was nice to meet you and that we will probably see each other again.”

“You seem to believe in something that I don't yet.” I mumbled.

“Why wouldn’t we? If we know our elf here, he won't let you go… ever.” Billy replied. “So see you!” He said, rising as Dominic and Berlinda had done, waving and going slowly through the door.

I turned my eyes to Orlando, as he still had to say anything. Meeting his, I think I saw he was lost, in a way I thought I remembered a person was when he was in love.

“I’ll stay. I don’t want to leave you alone. I know what it's like being in hospital.” He started, but changed his mind about continuing.

I nodded. It wasn’t fun to be in a hospital. I wanted to spend as little time as possible there. He squeezed my hand before he let go of it and moved to his bed.

The nurse came, and took the bed I was in to push me to the x-ray room. I lay down and pulled the blanket over me as I missed the warmth from Orlando.

The scan was the same as those I went through in Sweden. I tried to shut out the snap sound the machine produced, but I never get used to it. So I was relived as soon as it was over. I felt even better the moment I was back into the room.

 

*Part 29*

 

After we where alone in the room, I took a moment watching Orlando. He lay on his stomach resting, the hospital grown lay pushed up to his neck and a blanket covered him from the waist and down. I could clearly see the damage caused to his back by the impact of the car, also his scar from his surgery in 98. Despite what he been through he looked fine and I would love to stroke my hands over him.

His presence woke more in me than anyone had done in years. It was like my body remembered more than I could do myself of how it was to be with him. I wished that we would be able to get back to where we had been in the past, though I knew it was best to take one step at a time and maybe be happy for the little I could get.

Right now I had to worry what the scan and test might show. One thing I didn't want was to have anything close to have to go through the same thing I had to 98. I knew they couldn't promise 100 percent that it would never come back. The Doctors thought they succeeded with removing the tumour. So far they hadn't detected any metastasis at my follow ups. They had explained for me that if I had really bad luck it could lay latent for years, and now I cross my fingers it hadn't come back.

I tried to think back if I had any similar feelings or foreboding, but I couldn't remember and I didn't think I had anything similar of constant headache now I been told I had back then. I had to persuade myself that it only was ghost thoughts and what I'd been through was the reason for what happened.

Looking at my watch told me there was still some time before I would meet the doctor, so I lay down on my bed as well. I lay in such a way that I could continue watching Orlando. It didn't take long before I couldn't keep my hand away from him. I really wanted to feel him and be certain he was real.

I slowly stroked down his arm as far as the blanket, went over to his back up to his neck. There threading my fingers in his hair. It felt as soft as it looked and I loved the feeling. He moved slightly. I stopped and moved my hand away.

"Please don't stop." He broke the silence. "It felt good… I've missed your touch."

"Sorry that I woke you up again." I said.

"Don't be sorry I should have tried to stay awake, though after the nurse put ointment on my bruises I could relax."

I moved forward as far as I dared to not fall of my bed and placed a kiss on his shoulder. He seemed to be so considerate to me.

Orlando turned his head to face me. His eyes showing some glimpse of what my small step did to him and that he would want more. I would want to do it, but I draw back. I turned to lie on my back and placed my arm over my eyes for shut out the light.

"Do you still have a migraine?" he asked and I think I could hear the disappointment in his voice.

"It's okay, I'm just sensitive to the light. Every hospital seemed to have it extra bright."

I could feel his hand be put on my arm and out of habit I moved away, but regretted it at once. I turned back to my side and took his hand in mine.

"Thanks for what you did, and for staying. It means a lot." I started, almost choking on the words. "It means more than you can understand."

"I will do everything I can for you. I always wanted to."

"It is unbelievable… we barely knew each other." The lump in my throat was still there.

"Please, don't cry. It's the truth. All too late I understood what my true love was. That I was so much in love with you and the years without finding you have been an open wound in my heart."  

His words didn't help stop my tears running, only to increase them. If my parents could have understood how their deeds had made us suffer. I cursed what happened to me. My life could have been so much different.

Orlando tried to dry my tears that didn't seem to want to stop. "I so much want us to try. Do you want to give me a chance?"

I lay my hand over his, put my fingers in between his and moved our joined hands so I could kiss his.

"I think I would like that, though please can't we take a step at the time. I don't want to make either of us disappointed."

"You won't disappoint me. Whatever you say or want will be good for me. I've survived these years I think I can manage a few more."

I kept a hold on his hand, since it felt so good and he understood. I didn’t feel the need for any more talk right then, just feeling him there with me was enough while waiting for the doctor meeting. He seemed to accept it and continued to keep our connection.

Finally the time arrived for me to hear the test result. I didn't need to be taken there in a bed or wheelchair and that felt better. I was let in and showed the chair in front of the doctor desk.

Before he started to talk, the doctor gave me a serious look which made me nervous. What had he seen? I didn't want to know. At the same time I wanted to be cleared. I didn't want to be at the hospital, I thought I seen enough time at them.

"I've been studying the scans. As I haven't any of the earlier ones to compare them with I can't really tell if there are any large changes. They look fine to me. I can see scars from where they operated, and that would not give any differences than the last years have made you. I have also received the first blood test result and those do not show any indication to be anything other than to be normal." I felt I could let out the breath I'd been holding since walking into his office.

"Though to be sure I want you to call me on Wednesday when I'll have the complete results of the blood tests and really can write off anything out of ordinary. What I understand, you are not from here and when your migraine attack was so severe that you vomit and we had to give you a strong medication to ease it I would recommend that you not fly before we talk to each other." he continued and I nodded.

One part of me was happy that it was better for me not to fly in a few days as it would give me a few more days both for work and hopefully be with Orlando. Another wondering was if I would have afforded it, though I felt already a pressure of the hours I missed to be able to work on my assignment.

"Do you feel any after effect from your attack now?" he asked me.

I looked at him when I replied, "Nothing unusual from other times I have had an attack. I react some on the light. I feel some discomfort or weariness."

"When you had a large attack, is there any special medication you would take?"

"If I'm still feeling to have any large headache I can take one called maxalt. Is it more the normal headache I have both Naprosyn or pronaxen and panodil. I have no idea what they might be called here."

He went silent, when he wrote in the things at the computer.

"Do you have any of them with you?"

"I have some at the hotel I'm staying. The strongest I left home."

"Okay, I write a prescription on some stronger if you would need to take any." He said and continue enter things on the computer.

After he printed the prescription and handed me a card for me to be able to call him on Wednesday he added. "Maybe it would be wise of you to call your doctor back home when you come home so he can make a check and really exclude that would be anything."

"Thanks, I'll do that. I call you on Wednesday. Can I leave now?"

"Sure," he signed another paper and gave me, "take this and give to the nurses."

I took the paper and went with easy step through the door, relived that I didn't need to stay many more minutes there.

Back to the room, the nurse stood waiting, clearly showing she wanted us out as soon as possible. I gave her my release paper, she nodded and looked relieved. I went in for my belongings and let Orlando knew we could leave.